Lives in Recovery

Category: Awakening

  • Practicing Principles

    Practicing the Principles in all Our Affairs

    “What does it mean to practice?”  “What is a principle?” A couple of definitions are: 
     1. An important underlying law or assumption required in a system of thought.
    2. A way of working – the basic way in which something works.

    “What are the principles in recovery that we are to practice?”

    In essence, the principles in recovery are outlined through the 12-steps and reflected through the entirety of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous.

    In the chapter “There Is A Solution”, (on pg.28 – second paragraph), it says: We in our turn, sought escape with all the desperation of drowning men. What seemed at first a flimsy reed has proved to be the loving and powerful hand of God. A new life has been given us or, if you prefer, “a design for living” that really works.

    When we come in the doors of the 12 step community, I believe it’s a safe bet that the “escape” we are seeking is from the grips of active addiction and all the pain that comes with it. Later we certainly all face life situations in recovery that have caused us to feel that same way. The solution is the very same. So, what is that solution? The solution is that “flimsy reed” – otherwise known as the 12 steps.

    If we look over the steps and just pull “one” principle found in each one we might find the following:

    Step 1: Acknowledging that I am finite/limited in the power I have to control all of my surroundings.

    Step 2: Recognizing that no matter how bad the situation is that I am in, I only need to have a “belief” that sanity (wholeness) can be restored to my thinking/direction by a Higher Power.

    Step 3: Realizing that at any time I can review my circumstances and make a decision to include God in my thinking and decisions.

    Step 4: Willingly look for my own role in situations that have occurred.

    Step 5: Making admissions of the wrongs I see in myself to God, myself and another person.

    Step 6: Through admission that “I” can’t “fix me.”  I am “willing” for God to take my defects.

    Step 7: I see how limited I am to “fix me.”  I am then able to ask God to do take over where I fall short.

    Step 8: I now know where I’ve been wrong, so I am willing to make amends.

    Step 9: I take my willingness & put it into action through making amends (with the exception of it causing more pain for someone else).

    Step 10: By acknowledging that I will never be “perfect,” I continue on a daily basis to look at my thoughts, motives and actions.  When I’m wrong I take care of it as quickly as possible.

    Step 11: Realizing that the “problems” of my life came from “my” self-centeredness. I am to strive for finding a “greater purpose” by asking God’s will for me and remembering that the ability to carry it out comes from God as well.

    Step 12: As these principles are practiced I will grow spiritually. I will find freedom where I had none, I will attain peace where there was chaos and where I was once lost I will gain purpose and direction. Because of the peace and hope I find, I will want and “need” to share with others what I have found.

    To practice these principles in all of our affairs, we have only to realize that “we” are not the solution.  God is the solution, and by following some simple guidelines our lives will improve and we will have a tremendous impact on the world around us.

    © Rebecca Balko

  • Recovery for the Holidays

    Recovery for the Holidays

    Can you feel it? Temperatures dropping as the fall winds usher in our winter season. The faint aroma of chimney smoke as it escapes into the night air. Sweaters retrieved from summer hibernation, soft with encompassing warmth. Snuggling up to the one you love with popcorn and a soft blanket for a night of movies. The wafting smell of hot cocoa as it rests between your hands, causing your senses to anticipate that warm chocolate heaven rolling across your pallet. Enjoying the feeling of being completely enveloped under a billowy down comforter; the warmth of which escorts you into a blissful night’s sleep. The joy of a favorite winter chili or stew, which never fails to provide lingering warmth in the belly. Or the excitement of college football, and anticipation of the playoffs drawing closer. Yes, these are but a few of the experiences we all have in one form or another, igniting in our conscious minds a reminder that the holiday season is drawing ever near.

    For some, this leads to a sense of joy, excitement and anticipation, while for others it evokes feelings of anxiety, guilt or remorse due to the memory of holidays past where active addiction/alcoholism may have caused undo pain and ruin for those whom we love and have held most dear. This pain can cause feelings of loneliness, hopelessness or even relapse. But no matter what feelings or circumstances are being experienced as the approaching holidays arrive, for all of us a genuine gladness and gratitude can be embraced. Feelings of loneliness replaced with connectedness, hopelessness replaced instead with hopefulness, and thoughts of relapse replaced with the miracle of life and recovery. One might ask, “How is gladness and gratitude possible in the midst of such struggles?” Well, we need only look at the immediate blessings that exist before us.

    Let’s start with the good news – this is a NEW season. The years past are just that; they are now “seasons gone by”. Recovery affords us the opportunity to have a “do over,” or to “start anew”. The past holiday season could have been absolutely terrible, but that was last year. This is a new day, and can truly be the beginning of fresh and wonderful memories! Some may ask, “How can I be happy, because I am not even with my family now,” or “I don’t have my home anymore,” or “I have lost my job,” or “I can’t buy gifts for everyone.” This does not mean that this holiday season can’t be filled with beautiful and lasting memories. Gratitude is always a good way to kick start ourselves in a different direction. Let’s look at a few of the things we can say we are grateful for today:

    I am clean and sober!

    I belong to a fellowship of great people, many of whom are now dear friends. (Some might say, “I don’t know anybody that well yet. How do I know I won’t stay lonely? How do I know I will get close to people?”) Because if we are clean/sober and are practicing a program of recovery, we find that we are NEVER alone again.

    I have literally years ahead of me – things will get better! (How do I know that?)  Because nothing stays the same forever. If things are bad, they logically have to get better. While in ourselves we are limited and finite, we give ourselves over to a Higher Power that is infinite and limitless.

    Another area of gratitude to motivate those of us who have survived so much already: We are ALIVE! It is the easiest of blessings to take for granted. I need only go out into the cool night air, feeling the breeze blowing through my hair and against my face, gazing upon the moon and stars as they cast their subtle light upon me, breathing in through my nostrils the coolness of night and hearing the earth as it gives way beneath my feet as I take in my surroundings on a late night stroll. It is in this moment that my mind becomes profoundly aware of the greatest gift, the most tremendous of blessings, causing my heart and mind cry out, “Thank you that I am alive!”

    Recovery has some important principles to it that deserve application during the holiday season. One of the most important truths we learn in recovery is that “feelings” don’t keep us clean, nor do they contribute in any way to the growth and strengthening of my spiritual condition. The only thing that does this is A C T I O N! We know the “actions” that keep us growing in our recovery are things like, step work, sponsorship, prayer and service work. This principle of action is a guaranteed successful tool in not only surviving the holidays, but quite literally making them the BEST EVER! A principle we learn in early recovery is that “self” is the root of our problems, and that “selflessness” is where our solution can be found. You know the saying, “We keep what we have by giving it away,” right? Along those same lines, there is another principle I have found to be true – “To get what we’ve never gotten, or to get back what we lost along the way, (perhaps hope, joy, peace, sanity or maintained recovery through the holidays) we have only to get out of ourselves and try something new.

    Here are some suggestions for staying clean & sober and making this the best holiday season ever!

    Stay in close communication with your sponsor (daily if needed).

    Volunteer for service work in your home group or within the recovery community for meetings and events being held through the holidays.

    Be sure to have a listing of no less than 5 people with strong recovery time (5+ years) and their contact information to reach out to at any time that you may need them.

    Provide YOUR number to at least ONE person who is “newer than you” that might need support during the holidays so that you can be there for them!

    Find out what events and needs The Watershed Alumni Department has; you can get involved in and be of service to the patients at the facilities or to new Alumni.

    Strive daily to do a random act of kindness – whether it is for a friend or a total stranger. (If you do it in secret, never telling a soul, your Higher Power will know and it is truly a wonderful experience!)

    If you see a homeless person, smile at them. They may have felt unnoticed for a long time.

    Along those same lines, if you see someone who is hungry or thirsty, bring them some food or water

    Check out service opportunities where you can volunteer in your local community: A soup kitchen, Habitat for Humanity, The Angel Tree (Provides toys for kids who won’t have them otherwise) – Even if you can’t afford to give, you can afford to assist in volunteering to help gather the toys; or even figure out your own charitable drive, like collecting sweaters, jackets or blankets to give to the homeless on the streets.

    If you are lonely, rather than waiting for someone to invite you somewhere, (they may assume you have somewhere to be) why don’t YOU be the one to give the invite! To either go out as a group somewhere, or to come to your place for pizza, popcorn and a movie! Perhaps in doing so you will give someone else a brighter day!

    Leave a small gift for someone who serves you. Perhaps your postal worker, gas station attendant, grocery store clerk, pastor or rabbi; perhaps a waiter or waitress where you frequently eat!

    Make a full gratitude list of quite literally everything you can think of! (From sunlight, to water, your breath, the wind, sight, sound, a mind that still works, etc…)

    On Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and/or New Year’s Eve – Go to a 12-step meeting and make a conscious effort to look for someone in need of support. Be the one who is there to offer your hand to that struggling member.

    If you are really having a hard time (as we sometimes do), and find you can’t pull yourself out of the rut you are in, ask the God of your understanding to do for you what you cannot do for yourself by perhaps saying this: “God, please help me see with Your eyes, hear with Your ears and love with Your heart today.”

    What a wondrous life! The opportunity for a fresh start to live again; not the life that we “deserved”, but rather one that was freely given to us.  One of the most tremendous gifts I believe we have been given is in being blessed with knowing our “life’s purpose” (at least one of them). A lot of people in this world go to the grave wondering why they were put on this earth in the first place and never get that answer. We know at least one incredible purpose! It is something that will lift me up and I can do any time – to be a vessel for my Higher Power and offer my hand to another sick and suffering addict/alcoholic, sharing with them the solution I have found by way of my experience, strength and hope. How incredible is that?! That someone like me, with a medical prognosis at 19 that I needed to live in a group home, be put on disability and could never function independently – would become someone that the God of the Universe would actually use to provide hope, love, joy and a working solution that would change the lives of the hopeless!

    It is my most sincere and heart-felt wish, that this holiday season will be your very best! God bless you all!

    © 2011-2014 Rebecca Balko

     

     

     

     

     

  • “I’m Right!…No I Am!!”

    Human nature is a funny thing – As human beings we have a variety of experiences, which lead to the development of our ideas, concepts, beliefs, values and principles that we ultimately incorporate into our lives and live by. Some of these (although we embrace them) can change over time, such as:

    Example I : My husband, children and myself always celebrated Thanksgiving with my parents & my sister. It was always important to me to do this. But one day my husband and I moved 800 miles away, causing my circumstances to change. Because of this, the idea, principle and belief that I HAD to celebrate Thanksgiving with my parents and sister at my parent’s house had to change as well. I came to realize that we could still celebrate…but it would just need to be done differently.

    Example II : When I was single I had an idea, belief, principle and value that I didn’t need the “distraction of other people” in my life – (meaning husband and kids). That it would interfere with what “I” needed to do “for me”. However, after getting married and having kids in my life, that idea, belief and value system changed. I came to find that I could have “my” time, but that having them enhanced my life and kept me growing. These changes were overall were easy to accept.

    BUT there are other beliefs, values, ideas and principles that we are often extremely defensive and protective of. I have found this to be especially evident in recovery. Many people in recovery come in through different venues and as a rule each of those people will have very strong feelings about the venue through which they credit their life to having being saved by.

    This becomes most evident when we come across people who don’t see recovery concepts the way “we” do. Now THAT can become an interesting situation given the right circumstances! An example might be something as simple as whether a “new-comer” should make the first move to talk to the “old-timers” or whether “old-timers” should make the first move to meet the “new-comer”. It might not seem like a big deal, but when a person relates one of these factors to being a major contributor to what made the difference in their life between them “living sober” or “dying in addiction” it becomes a REAL big deal.

    Another example is that of “Working a program that includes the 12 steps” and “Not working a program that includes the 12 steps”. Boy oh boy! You get these two groups of discussion together and it can get real eventful sometimes! Why?…Well, because in each group you will find individuals whose lives have been changed as a direct result of the path that they have taken. In each person’s heart and mind this experience is held with very deeply due to their personal experiences, and because of this they can become defensive and often angry at the idea or suggestion of an experience or idea that is different than theirs.

    Basically, whatever “model” we credit to helping save our lives, we often become very defensive of. Whatever we viewed as “saving us” we also view as “love” and so by nature, we want to share that same thing, (love), with others. The problem comes when two different views of “love” collide! The interesting thing is that both parties really often have the same passionate desire, “to help the suffering addict/alcoholic find recovery”. No one person & no one view is wrong in this scenario.  (Truth is defined as how each person sees and believes it to be.)

    “I” believe that we are all made differently because God has individual purposes for each and every one of us. (The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous says: “We are in the world to play the role He assigns.”) I have found most recovering folks are VERY passionate about doing just this. We simply have to guard ourselves from putting God in a box that is restricted to just exactly “how” that will be done. Some of us will be used to do the “reaching out” to those who, (for one reason or another), “can’t reach”. Likewise He will use some of us to be “available to” those who DON’T like feeling pushed and will “reach when they’re ready”. I have found that all “I” need to do is be willing to do my part.

    © Rebecca Balko

  • Return to Sanity

    Return to Sanity and Soundness of Mind

    Addiction has the power to take control of an individual to the point where their whole life is centered around the substance of their choice.  This world of insanity leads the addict to a place where they have a hard time differentiating true from false.  Their perception is skewed and they lose interest in anything and everything that was ever important to them. 

    Dr. William Silkworth introduced the idea that alcoholism involves a physical allergy and an obsession of the mind (Alcoholics Anonymous, p. xxiv).  This means that when you want to stop using entirely you cannot, and when you use you have little control over the amount you take.  The disease of addiction is a twofold illness that can be overcome by a “spiritual experience” or “spiritual awakening” found by working 12 steps in a program of recovery.  This process can return the addict to sanity.  The word sanity is derived from the Latin root sanitas, which means whole or healthy.  A sane person is one who is stable, healthy and whole with a sound personality. Working a 12-step program of action gives addicts and alcoholics the opportunity to return to sanity and wholeness of mind.

    “What is a Spiritual Experience?”

    A “spiritual experience” is the solution to the disease of addiction.  This psychic transformation involves a personality change that is sufficient enough to remove the obsession to use.  Dr. Carl Jung said alcoholics could solve the drink problem if they had “vital spiritual experiences,” or huge emotional rearrangements and displacements (Alcoholics Anonymous, p.  27).

    Seeking a psychic change through working all 12 steps will remove the obsession to use.  In addition to freedom from active addiction, taking this action will restore the addicted person to sanity and soundness of mind.  This shift in feelings, emotions and outlook on life moves the recovering addict from a life filled with self to dependence and a belief in something greater than themselves.

    Signs of a Spiritual Awakening

    A sense of a connection with nature and others around you.

    The capacity to truly enjoy every moment.

    An ability to act spontaneously in the moment rather than acting out of fear from past experiences.

    An overwhelming feeling of gratitude and appreciation.

    Constant smiling attacks.

    Developing the ability to unconditionally love without wanting anything in return. 

    A sudden loss in the need to argue or be in conflict with others.

    A loss in the capacity to worry.

    A loss in the need to judge others.

    A loss in the desire to judge self.

    Losing the interest in disrupting the actions of others. 

    Letting things happen, as opposed to making them happen.

    This is what your life will be like once you have gone through the transformation.  Don’t be discouraged if this doesn’t happen overnight.  Many “spiritual experiences” are of the “educational variety,” meaning they take place over time.  Perception changes gradually while attitudes and outlooks become more positive as the addict takes the necessary actions of recovery.  Friends and family will often see the change in the recovering addict long before they notice a change in themselves.  

  • Getting Out of Yourself

    Getting Out of Yourself

    Practical experience shows that nothing will so much insure immunity from drinking as intensive work with other alcoholics.  It works when other activities fail.  This is our Twelfth Suggestion:  Carry this message to other alcoholics.” (Alcoholics Anonymous p. 89)

    Giving back what was so freely given to you is an absolute necessity in the program of recovery.  Working with other alcoholics and addicts is the solution to permanent sobriety.  We cannot keep what we have without giving it away.

    The alcoholic or addict is full of self.  Our problem was not the drugs and alcohol.  Our troubles stem from a life run on self-will.  We were selfish, self-centered and egotistical.  Basically, we were full of ourselves.  The solution to getting out of ourselves is found in helping others.

    Effective Ways to be of Maximum Service to Others Service does not always have to come from sponsorship or twelve step calls.  There are many other ways to carry the message.  After all, service is simply any act that is good for others.  Let’s look at a few examples:

    Show up consistently to make coffee at the meeting.

    Help out by emptying the butt can outside the meeting.

    Talk to the suffering addict/alcoholic who picks up a 24 hour surrender chip.  Tell him or her how you got the amount of time you have.  Explain how you feel today compared to how you felt then.  Exchange phone numbers and offer support.

    Call someone with less time or more time than you.  Ask them how their day was, and what’s going on in their life.  This action will make your problems seem less significant.

    When you have enough time in sobriety, sign up for a Hospitals and Institutions commitment. Bringing a meeting into a detox unit, treatment center, hospital or correctional facility will give you a real sense of gratitude.  Make H & I your new high.

    Volunteer at a boys and girls club, soup kitchen or your local hospital.  Helping others does not just involve people in the fellowship.  The program of recovery involves practicing the principles in all our affairs.

    Taking the action to help others gets us out of ourselves.  It works when everything else fails.  When we live on an altruistic plane we begin to see that the world no longer revolves around us and our self-centered motives.  Our self-worth improves and life begins to take on a whole new meaning.

    On Sponsorship and 12 Step Calls

    Getting out of ourselves and carrying the message to the addict who is still sick and suffering is our solution.  This is the core of our program.  We give back what was given to us, and in return, we stay sober. When we have taken all twelve steps, the promises of the program begin to come true, and it is our duty to carry the message of hope to the newcomer.

    Sponsorship should never be about your opinion of the program.  There is no such thing as a personal interpretation of the twelve steps.  A sponsor’s duty is to live and then convey the solution of the twelve steps to the sick and suffering addict. 

    We cannot transmit something we don’t have.  If you have not experienced something don’t share it with the newcomer.  Keep the message clear and simple.  Take your sponsee through the work the same way your sponsor took you through.  `

    A sponsor is not a junior therapist, financial advisor, relationship coach, or a nurse.  The responsibility of a sponsor is to take another alcoholic or addict through the twelve steps.  We cannot “fix” anyone.  We can help them by taking them through the work and offering our experience, strength and hope.

    Once you have taken all 12 steps, contact your local Intergroup Office and have them put you on their 12 step call list.

    Tips on Making Twelfth Step Calls:

    Reprinted from Lifeline, May 2001, Volume 34, Issue 5:  The Newsletter for Alcoholics Anonymous St. Paul and suburban area Intergroup Central Office

    Arrange for another AA member to go with you.

    Have a quiet time, read Chapter Seven in the Big Book.

    Maintain anonymity.

    Talk to the prospect alone, if possible. (That is, without his family and friends there.)

    Congratulate him on wanting to do something about his drinking problem.

    Give him some AA literature.

    Note well what the Big Book says at the bottom of page 94:  “On your first visit tell him about the Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous.  If he shows interest, lend him your copy of this book.”

    Each of you tells him “what you used to be like, what happened, and what you are like now.”

    If he wants to talk, let him.

    At the top of page 95, it advises, “Give him a chance to think it over…Sometimes a new man is anxious to proceed at once, you may be tempted to let him do so.  This is sometimes a mistake.  If he has trouble later, he is likely to say you rushed him… If he is sincerely interested and wants to see you again, ask him to read this book in the interval (at least ask him to read the first 164 pages).  After doing that (reading the book), he must decide for himself if he wants to go on.

    When you are ready to leave, tell him you will call on him the following day if he wants, and he will have time to read the first 164 pages, or had time to think about your conversation.

    Note that the second paragraph on page 96 says, “Suppose you are now making your second visit to a man.  He has read this volume, and he is prepared to go through with the Twelve Steps of the program of recovery.”  At this point you review the Twelve Steps with him, and arrange to bring him to your group meeting.  If he does not want to go on, or feels that he can do it some other way, pick up your copy of the Big Book and invite him to call on you again if he changes his mind and decides that AA can be of help.

    The Big Book, at the top of page 96 says, “We find it a waste of time to keep chasing a man who cannot, or will not work with you.  If you leave such a person alone, he may soon become convinced that he cannot recover by himself.”

  • Self Esteem

    Regaining Self Esteem and the Power of Positive Thinking

    Through the process of recovery and working all twelve steps we receive many  blessings.   One of the major changes we go through from this process is re-gaining our self-esteem, or self-worth.  A person’s self-worth is simply his or her perception of oneself, and self-esteem is defined as a realistic respect for or  favorable impression of oneself; self-respect.   Self-esteem refers to what we feel are values, abilities and assets are. Many of us have years of wreckage to repair when we get sober, so this process of rebuilding does not usually happen  overnight.  Years of damage through negative thinking and negative self-talk cannot be changed instantly. It’s only through sobriety that  we get the opportunity to work on these kinds of things.  Besides staying sober one day at a time, there are some things we can do to improve our self-esteem.

    First, we have to be aware of the impact negative self-talk has on our lives.  Without awareness we would not know what we need to work on or change.  When we fill our minds with negative ideas, thoughts  and beliefs we put out negative energy.   All this negativity lowers our self-esteem and self-worth.  If we replace those bad ideas and false beliefs with positive thoughts and affirmations, then eventually we start believing  in ourselves.  Reversing our thinking from things we don’t like about  ourselves to things we do like will have a positive outcome on our  self-esteem.  Try writing down a list of your achievements or things  you like about yourself, or ask your friends what they like about you.  When we  look at these assets on paper, then our defects seem much smaller.  Try working  on your strengths, and your weakness will appear much less important.

    The next  thing you can do is to set some goals for yourself and follow through  with them.  Do something that you always told yourself you wanted  to do, but procrastinated and never got to it.  You may want  to use visualization techniques to help you envision your own personal  goals.  Try to picture, or imagine what you want to achieve.   Remove the word “should” from your vocabulary.  This word  can have a negative connotation, so you may be setting yourself up for  failure.  Avoid a statement like, “I really should go back to college to further my education.”   Replace a phrase like that with something  like this, “I will go back to college to further my education.”     Then,  take the necessary action to make your dreams come true.  Achieving something that you told yourself you couldn’t do will have a positive  effect on your self-esteem.  Making plans for the future and following through with  your plans will give you a sense of accomplishment and achievement.  After all,  sobriety gave us the ability to truly have a life.  We are aware  and present, so now is the time to go out and fulfill our dreams and  desires.

    You may want to take into consideration the idea of making some life changes.  How are you living?   Can you make any changes for the better?  You may  want to ask yourself a few questions about your job and your  relationships with others.   Are you  happy with your job?  Realistically, is there another job that may be more  fulfilling for you?  How are your relationships with others?  Are you  treated with the respect you deserve now that you’re sober, and are you  treating others the same?  Are you spending your free time with people who make  you feel good about yourself?  Making changes in your career or personal life can  obviously have a positive outcome on your psyche.

     

  • Good…Bad

    Why Is It  That When Things Are Going Good, Something Bad Always Happens?

    I know that I  am not the only person who has ever reached that point of utter  frustration or disgusting state of self-pity, who has cried out and  said, “Why does this always happen to me!” Who has ever said, “It seems like every time things start  to go my way, something always has to happen!” I’d like to say that this only  happened in my “early” sobriety, because it always sounds good (It sort  of sounds like it’s no longer a problem for “me”). But that  would only be a lie that temporarily stroked the old ego! The truth is  that it is one of the easiest places to go when things don’t go my way.

    I lived at a  girl’s home many years ago and had a wise old preacher tell me, after  one of my “rants”, that it was part of a process to make us stronger. Of  course, being sober all of 60 days and walking around in a heavy fog, I responded  with, “Huh?” The information that he gave me stayed with me until this  day and went as follows:

    Have you ever bought one of those really cheap  hammers? The kind that is so fragile that if you  hit a hard surface with enough force it would just break? The reason  that happens is  because the metal is full of impurities. But there are the other hammers that are really high dollar and will last a lifetime,  because they contain almost no impurities at all.

    When I would  later learn about the 12-steps and how to work them, I realized that  indeed what he had told me was the truth. I identify my defects of  character and my shortcomings, the very impurities that for so much of  my life caused me to be broken and would ask God to take them from me.  But as I would find out, not everything goes quickly and more is always revealed. I  have found that when things are bad my defects and shortcomings become much clearer. I  then have the option to ask my Creator to remove them from me and as  they are I become stronger in the knowledge and experience that God “is”  always with me and that the moment, no matter how bad, “will pass!” I  also have the option to ignore these defects and allow them to just  settle back in, or better yet, try on my own to make them go away. Either way, nothing changes and I  will remain fractured and easily broken.

    So, in my  final assessment, I see good reason to believe, that during the  difficult times, through the use of the steps, a good sponsor and my  God, who enables me to do everything, to learn what my frailties are and  give them up to Him. I’m afraid I have not reached a point of  “rejoicing” in hardships, but thankfully I have gained the experience, that during  moments of confusion and despair, I can look back and know that I will  be O.K. and that this too shall pass.

    © Rebecca Balko 

  • How You Are Sabotaging Your Own Happiness

    How You Are Sabotaging Your Own Happiness

     

    If you have been in or around addiction enough you may have heard the same tune over and over again from some people. “I’ve tried recovery and it doesn’t work for me.” But what is really going on there? Does recovery not work, or are you just not willing to take the necessary action to recover?

    Self-Sabatoge And Your Recovery

    Denial

    Many addicts don’t even notice they have a problem, so recovery seems pointless. Denial is usually a coping mechanism that some people use so they don’t have to face whatever issues are ailing them. So if you’re unwilling to listen to others who think you might have a problem with drugs, little can be done until you are serious and ready. This is where enabling someone who is in active addiction can actually have the power to kill.

    Unwilling

    Unwilling to change your attitude, behavior, and lifestyle in order to stop using drugs will continue to block you from recovering long-term. It’s honestly that simple. Usually that unwillingness turns into lies and deception in order to protect your addiction.

    Stubborn

    Believing you have all the answers or know what needs to be done without taking any suggestions as it relates to your recovery is another reason many don’t make it back into the rooms. This is usually driven by ego, which brings us to our next point below.

    Ego

    Having an ego is not all that bad, but when it’s a false ego, it can prevent you from allowing yourself to identify with others in the program of recovery. An ego can separate you from others and give you the belief that you either don’t have it as bad as other addicts, or that you are better than them. Either way, it will prevent you from learning. Know-it-alls can’t absorb new information.

    Pride

    Usually pride accompanies that false ego. Being too proud can be the difference between happiness and misery. Pride can get in the way of allowing you to be vulnerable to others. When we are not vulnerable around those who are trying to help us, we can’t absorb the information that can actually change our lives.

    Co-Dependency

    If you are allowing a loved one or partner to dictate and control your life so much so that you are not even attempting to enter rehab or the rooms, then you will continue to spiral deep into your addiction. Sometimes our loved ones think they know what is best for us and literally try to fix you, but no one person can fix you. Listening to people who don’t have your best interest in mind is not safe and will not help you stay sober long-term.

    Resentful

    If you have attempted recovery a few times, you may have built a resentment that 12-step programs, rehabs, sober living environments, and outpatient programs don’t work. The truth is, if you don’t do the work or put in the effort, then these programs will not work. They are not designed to cure you; they are designed to help you keep your addiction in remission. If you are truly committed, honest, willing, and open-minded to recovery, your chances of staying sober long-term are extremely high.

    Recovery Is About Action

    Recovery is about action and if you are not willing to put in the action, it will continue to be difficult to get anything out of it. Stop allowing your thinking to prevent you from actually living a happy, joyous, and free life without the use of drugs and alcohol. Recovery works and it can work for you today if you want it.

    24/7 Addiction Crisis Chat Line: 1-877-975-4837

     

  • 4th of July Party Ideas For Alcoholics And Addicts

    4th of July Party Ideas For Alcoholics And Addicts

    What 4th of July party ideas have you come up with now that you are in early recovery from an addiction to alcohol and/or drugs?  This may be the first Independence Day you get to celebrate sober, which makes it extra memorable because you will actually get to be in the moment and experience life as it happens instead of just watch it pass by due to being inebriated by substances.  After all, recognizing the 4th of July is particularly special since it is a holiday all about freedom.

    4th of July Party Ideas

    Celebrating July 4th sober is an absolute gift!  It’s a holiday worthy of properly commemorating with others. 

    Related: 4Th Of July 2016 Delray Beach

    Barbecue 

    Think about getting a large group together at a local Public Park or field.  You can put up tents, set up under a pavilion, locate picnic tables, or bring a folding table to set up.  Be sure to coordinate who brings plastic utensils, plates, and cups!  Don’t forget about making your favorite entrees because this is the main part of your barbecue!  Make sure you have your cooler filled with your meats, chickens, fruit, veggies, salads, cheese, non-alcoholic drinks, and ice!  Don’t leave out the ketchup, mustard, relish, or mayo!  You might want some chips and cookies too!  If you aren’t certain whether or not the location you picked to celebrate your 4th of July celebration at has a grill outside, be sure that you have a back up plan!  It might be a good idea to bring a mini portable grill or an actual grill with an extension cord, as long as there is an outlet somewhere at the location you picked!  Oh, don’t forget about bringing some sparklers and fireworks for later either!

    Picnic

    If you want to go for one of smaller 4th of July party ideas, you could always plan for a picnic at a field, garden, beach, park, mountains, trails, or golf coarse in the afternoon or evening to recognize the holiday.  You can give your picnic a 4th of July theme by getting foods that are red, white, and blue.  A good example would be adding strawberries, blueberries, and cut up bananas in a container for a healthy and all-American tribute to the nation!  Don’t forget about bringing a red, white, and blue blanket, so that you can lay it out for you and your friends to sit on while you eat, chit-chat, and rejoice in your festivities!  Who needs to drink on the 4th of July when you are surrounded by good friends that you can open up, be honest with, laugh, and joke around with?  Certainly not you!

    Parade

    Do you want more action this Independence Day?  More 4th of July party ideas include parades!  Check your local newspaper or research online to see if there will be a 4th of July parade in honor of the holiday near you.  If you end up going to the parade, be sure to keep yourself accountable, especially being new to sobriety.  Parades may be triggering on holidays because there a lot of people intoxicated.  Ways to keep yourself accountable that can prevent you from being tempted to drinking on the 4th of July include calling your sponsor and/or sober supports if you feel you’re struggling, removing yourself from negative settings when you feel uncomfortable by walking away, going to the parade with sober people, and not endangering yourself by roaming around looking to walk into a bar to pick up a drink.  If you are feeling anxious, you may just want to leave and work with another alcoholic and/or addict.  However, you may find yourself having a great time if you go with sober individuals and focus on the beauty in life.  It can be great when you come together with people in recovery to spend time with one another instead of having to turn to substances to enjoy entertainment.  You actually get to enjoy the fun – live music, floats, colors, and fireworks presented to you in addition to remembering it!

    With these 4th of July party ideas, you are sure to have a fantastic holiday.  Early recovery from an addiction to alcohol and/or drugs can take you away from living your life to the fullest and keep you from being actively involved with others.  The 4th of July is centered on freedom, so rejoice because you’re sober this year!

    Are you struggling in your sobriety or still active in an addiction to alcohol and/or drugs?  Contact The Watershed for help today.

  • Alcohol and Drug Addiction: I Am My Problem

    I remember sometime after being admitted to the hospital for treatment of my chemical addiction I believed that drugs and booze were my problem and that once I was free of them, I would be “just fine”.  I mean it made sense didn’t it? Prior to drinking and drugging I had some problems…who doesn’t? But overall, I didn’t get REALLY messed up behaviorally until I started using. So upon entering treatment and the fog beginning to lift slightly, I got my first glimpse at the disaster, otherwise known as “Rebecca” and summarized that it should be easily fixed, all I needed to do was not use drugs.

    Under The Influence

    Well, needless to say, that was nowhere near the truth. For one thing, I had been regularly under the influence of mood and mind altering chemicals beginning at the age of 15. Prior to 15 I was just beginning 9th grade and fresh out of middle school – having been raised in a modest middle class home, in the same neighborhood, attending the same school system, with all the same friends and attending the same church all of my life until that point. There was not that much trouble to be exposed to, much less get into, up to that point. What ‘s more, 13-19 are the “teen years” where kids generally learn all sorts of living skills, like socialization with their peers, coping skills with anger, fear, etc…and problem solving skills.

    The Real Problem

    Here in lies the first part of the “real” problem….during the majority of those developmental years, I had discovered the use of mood and mind altering chemicals that seemed to take care of problems I did not yet have the experience or maturity to know how to handle. Rather than learning those vital skills, I instead took a shorter easier method and simply learned how to use those chemicals to do for me what I didn’t know how to do. (i.e. ~ Anger or Fear…using chemicals made them go away; Socialization hurdles…using chemicals gave me the confidence to make friends or the numbness to not care; Problem solving…using chemicals made me not feel stressed about problems in my life and enabled me to ignore them for a time). 

    The second part of the “real” problem being faced was that I LOVED being under the influence! Although on the one hand I believed that the chemical use was my only problem and that by removing it I would magically somehow be just fine…there was the other hand, where chemical use was also the only solution by which I’d had any experience as a teenager. I not only couldn’t imagine living life without being under the influence…I had no idea how to, even if I had wanted to ~ which I really didn’t!

    So I went through multiple treatment and recovery programs with one relapse occurring after the first two years sober. I did, a few months later, eventually get clean and by grace stay clean…but  it was a REALLY devastating blow in my early recovery as those same behaviors began to rear their ugly head, (sometimes even worse new ones than I even had in my addiction), and I was TOTALLY clean from all mood and mind altering chemicals!

    Recovery

    I went to talk to my sponsor, horrified at my behavior and fearful that this was somehow a sign or an omen that I wasn’t “really” recovering and that I was headed for relapse. I mean, if I was really serious about my recovery, wouldn’t I be making good decisions and doing the right things? Weren’t chaos and confusion the byproducts of active addiction, or at the very least a lack of desire for personal recovery? What a relief it was as it was explained to me that the problems I was having were not a “sign that I wasn’t serious”, but rather a sign that I was a human being with relatively ZERO life skills, that drugs and booze were actually not my real problem, but rather that “I was”. The dope and booze had helped me to live with myself for a while until even it quit working.

    Now that I was in recovery, I would have the opportunity to address the real problem, which was “me” and to learn how to apply the steps, which would show me how to become fully dependent on a Power greater than myself, would enable me to do just that. It was explained that my self-centeredness and self-direction were what had caused me to have this inability to “live life on life’s terms”. Being clean and sober means now having the opportunity to “learn” how to live without the use of chemicals one day at a time and to receive the gift of finding out that those things in my life that I had such regret and shame over, are the VERY THINGS that enable me to make a difference in the lives of other people!

    Want more? Click here: Rebecca’s Corner

    © Rebecca Balko 2016