Lives in Recovery

Category: Healing

  • Continued Care for the Family

    Continued Care for the Family

    Addiction is a chronic disease; life-long recovery requires continued care for the loved one with the addiction problems, as well as for the family, also wishing to recover from the effects of alcoholism on the family structure.

    Most likely, in the course of your loved one’s treatment, you may have been involved in speaking to your loved one’s therapist or another member on their treatment team in order to share information. Those actions may have been helpful in developing a treatment plan as well as an aftercare plan. The continuing care plan focuses on how the patient can integrate recovery principles into daily life; both in treatment and beyond. Families and loved ones may do well to ask the patient’s therapist how those plans can be sustained through their own support. Research shows that patients who follow an aftercare plan are far more likely to maintain recovery.

    Addiction is called a family disease for valid reasoning. It’s common for family members and loved ones of addicts and alcoholics to become familiar with loneliness, remorse, anxiety, resentment and a whole other host of symptoms and emotions. This disease affects all family members differently; yet family members will be affected. Some may lose their sense of joy or spiritual nature, while still others may find themselves isolating and/or angry.

    Many times family members and loved ones will find themselves feeling as though they are personally responsible for holding the family structure intact. Healing, however, can come for family members when energies are focused towards more positive actions, such as their own needs and feelings.

    Participating in some sort of family group, such as Al-Anon or Families Anonymous, can be one of the most powerful contributions a loved one can make to the process of recovery and the rebuilding of relationships. By becoming conscious of the beliefs and experiences that shape our own behaviors, families can learn to identify and carry out new, healthy ways of coping with issues related to addiction.

    Family members and loved ones can locate Twelve Step meetings in nearby areas specifically designed for them. As well, The Watershed’s family interactive Web site, livesinrecovery.com, is an excellent resource for all those seeking answers to questions about addiction.

    Additional Resources

    Al-Anon: visit al-anon.org or call 888-4AL-ANON

    Families Anonymous: visit familiesanonymous.org or call 800-736-9805

  • Trust Again

    Learning to Trust Again

    Your loved one’s recovery is nothing short of a miracle, and you are extremely grateful for their new and normal lifestyle. So, why does your stomach still lurch and your fists still clench when your Loved one is a few minutes late coming home from school or work, or even when they are leaving to attend a recovery event with their new sober friends?

    It’s not that you want the addict by your side all the time, but more about the question as to when they are not here are they going to be able to handle the pressures and influences and not use drugs or alcohol?

    Jackie Glass, psychotherapist for The Watershed Addiction Treatment Centers, says one of the biggest challenges facing family and friends is learning to trust again. “It is normal for friends, family and co-workers to be anxious when the addict returns home and back to work after treatment,” Jackie says.

    “Trust is earned in time through communication, concrete behavior changes and in the achievement of significant clean time.  Family and friends naturally fear the addict/alcoholic will relapse and ultimately die,” Jackie continues.  “They feel anger and resentment because of the addict/alcoholic’s negative behaviors, yet love the individual and have hope for their future. Because of these fears and ambivalent feelings, the issues of trust and family expectations are exceptionally important to address in family counseling prior to the addict/alcoholic returning home.” The recovering addict and their families should remember the slogan, “One day at a time.”  Which literally means that sobriety is a day by day journey.

    Sobriety is maintained and continued after treatment by using a combination of the tools learned while in rehab and learning to apply them afterward with the help of a 12-step program, counseling or therapy, and in many cases, doctor-prescribed psychiatric medications. “One day at a time” can also be applied to the recovering addict’s family and friends. Addiction damages and destroys relationships.  Just because your loved one is home from treatment and sober now, you will not have a magically repaired relationship.  You may not trust them in the beginning of their recovery. It’s ok.  This takes time.  Trust, like sobriety, is a precious and valued commodity which will be earned through patience, vigilance, compassion, spiritual and behavioral changes, and living proof.

  • Where Am I Today?

    “Where Am I Today? What Do My Actions Say?”

    In working with people who are new in recovery, it is important to realize that our greatest asset – can also be our greatest downfall if we are not diligent in our own recovery. Our greatest asset is actually NOT our experience, strength and hope. We can share our experience, strength and hope and yet, be doing absolutely NOTHING to develop our spiritual growth, or if you will, “our own recovery”. Even more dangerous is that we may do our “song and dance” SO LONG that even “we” can no longer tell the true from the false of our actual circumstances.
    Indeed our greatest asset is in striving to put into practice through our actions, the principles of recovery, which we stand before others and share about. I believe there is no more powerful a tool in this life than to have someone truly “LIVING” the “strength and hope” of what we share so much about. The new person who listens to our stories often lives in one of two camps: (1) The one that desires hope and wants to believe what they are hearing; AND (2) The one that fears hope and wants to find the lie, the hypocrisy and the impossibility of it all. Indeed our words are quite a powerful tool which can stir the hearts of those who will listen. But a MUCH more important task lies before us….that being “how we LIVE OUT our words in our day to day lives.” None of us can live out perfect recovery, but we certainly can actively strive to pursue the growth and development of our spiritual condition by means of: (1) Seeking daily the direction of a Power greater than ourselves; (2) Surrendering our will for that of a Greater will; (3) Seeking out opportunities to be of service to our fellows and (4) Holding ourselves accountable to someone of our choosing. YES our greatest asset is when our actions reflect our words!

     Likewise, there is no greater disservice we can do to ourselves and to our fellows, (especially the newest among us), than for our actions to contradict our words. For it is in doing this, that the one who once found hope and belief upon hearing us speak…will likely endure the experience of disillusionment. Likewise the one so full of Doubt and Sinicism…will likely embrace the illusion confirming the impossibility that they held to so fearfully tight. Am I saying that ALL who experience this disappointment fall away into relapse or are never to be heard from again? NO…But am I saying that some will? Sadly the answer is “Yes indeed they will”.

     Working with new people in recovery is an awesome responsibility and not to be taken lightly. Is it possible that we will ALL wander from time to time – our steps found to be somewhat lacking, perhaps even hypocritical as compared to our words? ABSOLUTELY! That is simply part of being human. It is not in our mistakes that we bring harm to others, because we all have the ability to attain reconciliation with those whom we find fellowship. Our strength will be found in acknowledging our shortcomings to those around us…especially the new person and from there proceed forward in our own journey. It is in this example of putting our words into action, that the new person see’s first hand that recovery is NOT about perfection…but about how to live with our imperfections.

    © Rebecca Balko

  • Healing

    Healing

    Feelings of Guilt: Their Addiction Is Not Your Fault

    There’s nothing more defeating than feelings of guilt. The relationship that guilt has with shame, avoidance, and denial is dominating, especially when it comes to the life of a parent dealing with a child who suffers from addiction. Feelings Of Guilt It’s safe to assume nearly all parents of addicts can relate to feelings of guilt that have stemmed from not being able to help their child recover, but the truth is that no person can get an addict clean without them wanting recovery and doing the work. This is because addiction is a disease which means that the…

  • Ongoing Support

    Showing Support & Helping Your Loved One

    You are not responsible for your loved one’s recovery but your support is important.

    Family and friends typically want to provide active support after their loved one leaves treatment.  It is easy to do this when the newly recovering addict is doing what it takes to achieve sobriety: regular meeting attendance, working with a sponsor, developing a sober network of friends, and participating in their aftercare program.

    What if your loved one begins to slack off on their program of recovery?  Maybe they are associating with friends who use, they are attending fewer meetings, they have stopped taking their prescribed psychiatric medication, or they begin taking their sobriety for granted

    Family and friends may hesitate to overly-involve themselves in their loved ones recovery program.  They have been told they did not cause the persons addiction, nor can they cure or control it.  However, providing ongoing support and encouragement to the addict is perfectly acceptable.  This is one of the most important things friends and family can do whether their loved ones recovery process is right on track or they seem to be slacking and disconnected. 

    Here are a few ways you can provide support in your loved one’s recovery process:

    Educate yourself about addiction and the recovery process. You will be better prepared to recognize if your loved one shifts from solid to shaky recovery.

    Keep open the lines of communication and let your recovering loved one know they can talk to you if they are become feeling like they want to use or they become complacent in their recovery.

    If you live with the recovering addict, provide a sober environment. 

    Assist your recovering loved one when it comes to their recovery-related needs but try not to cross the line into old enabling behavior, such as paying their bills or agreeing with things they are doing when you really do not. Self-sufficiency is a key to sobriety.

    Remain interested in their recovery, especially their successes.  Let them know how proud and happy you are that they have turned their life around. Give credit where credit is due and recognize their diligence and commitment.

    Continue your own program of recovery with Alanon, Naranon, Alateen, along with family or individual counseling. If the recovering family member or friend quits going to 12-step meetings, or will not participate in family counseling, that does not mean you have to let up on your program. It is more important that you keep up on your own program for yourself, not for them. 

    Accept and understand the fact that they may opt to attend a 12-step meeting or recovery-related event instead of a family gathering. There are times when a meeting is crucial for a recovering addict:  when they want to go and when they do not want to go. Never stand in the way or discourage their attendance at meetings or participation in anything that benefits their recovery.

    If they do relapse, intervene and get them back to treatment. Get Help Now!