Blog

Certain roles are often present in any family, but when drug addiction is added to the mix these roles become considerably prevalent.  The entire family is in a sense, “spiritually sick.”  Identifying these roles is the first step in the healing process.  Let’s look at each specific role.   

The Addict

This is the family member with the addiction.  Everything is centered on and revolves around this person.  Other family members take on different roles around this person.  They pick up whatever duties and responsibilities the addict is lacking.  However, the addict does not have to be the most important person in family recovery.  The addict is driven by self-centered fear. 

The Enabler 

The enabler is also known as the caretaker.  Without this person, no other roles would be possible.  The enabler avoids the issue and tries to keep everyone in the family happy.  They are constantly making excuses and keep the family from getting better.  This person minimizes or ignores the problem when talking to others.  The enabler feels helpless, inadequate and fear. 

The Hero 

The hero is the family member who tries their hardest to make the family look good on the outside.  This person is the perfectionist.  They make the outside look good and pretend like the problem doesn’t exist.  The hero is full of guilt, shame and fear. 

The Mascot 

This family member is the one who tries to make light of the situation.  They make inappropriate jokes to cover up how they really feel.  Sometimes they take these jokes too far and harm others.  This can be detrimental in the recovery process.  The mascot is experiencing feelings of shame, anger and embarrassment. 

The Scapegoat

This person is the rebel of the family.  The scapegoat will often act out around others.  They like to keep the attention away from the addict who needs help.  The scapegoat is an expert at covering things up doing anything to divert attention from the problem.  This person has underlying feelings of guilt, shame and emptiness. 

The Lost Child

This is the quiet family member who will never mention the problem.  They keep to themselves and always use caution before they talk or act.  The lost child does everything to avoid conversations about the problem at hand.  They will even give up personal needs and desires to avoid confrontation.  The lost child feels anger, neglect and loneliness. 

Overcoming Family Roles and Codependency

Ultimately, these roles lead to codependency in an unhealthy family.  Family members are living their lives based on what another family member needs.  They lose their identity and become the role they are playing. 

Looking at these roles individually allows each family member the ability to make changes.  Overcoming these roles allows you to overcome more significant issues, like drug addiction and alcoholism.  In the healing process, each family member should become whole so that the family can work together to deal with problems in a healthy way. 

The goal should be for each family member to become true to themselves, so that they have something to offer the group as a whole.  They should act in a way that is independent and proactive against the way they were acting in their assigned role.  When a family works out their problems in this way they can deal with a problem like drug addiction as a unit, rather than each member playing their specific role. 

Not playing the part can be difficult.  You have to be honest with yourself and decide how you wish things were.   Next, you have to communicate that without playing a role and incorporate plans for how you want your new life to be.  When one family member changes it usually throws the others off balance, so try to be patient and tolerant of others. 

See more at: Family Outreach Program

Certain roles are often present in any family, but when drug addiction is added to the mix these roles become considerably prevalent.  The entire family is in a sense, “spiritually sick.”  Identifying these roles is the first step in the healing process.  Let’s look at each specific role.   

The Addict

This is the family member with the addiction.  Everything is centered on and revolves around this person.  Other family members take on different roles around this person.  They pick up whatever duties and responsibilities the addict is lacking.  However, the addict does not have to be the most important person in family recovery.  The addict is driven by self-centered fear. 

The Enabler 

The enabler is also known as the caretaker.  Without this person, no other roles would be possible.  The enabler avoids the issue and tries to keep everyone in the family happy.  They are constantly making excuses and keep the family from getting better.  This person minimizes or ignores the problem when talking to others.  The enabler feels helpless, inadequate and fear. 

The Hero 

The hero is the family member who tries their hardest to make the family look good on the outside.  This person is the perfectionist.  They make the outside look good and pretend like the problem doesn’t exist.  The hero is full of guilt, shame and fear. 

The Mascot 

This family member is the one who tries to make light of the situation.  They make inappropriate jokes to cover up how they really feel.  Sometimes they take these jokes too far and harm others.  This can be detrimental in the recovery process.  The mascot is experiencing feelings of shame, anger and embarrassment. 

The Scapegoat

This person is the rebel of the family.  The scapegoat will often act out around others.  They like to keep the attention away from the addict who needs help.  The scapegoat is an expert at covering things up doing anything to divert attention from the problem.  This person has underlying feelings of guilt, shame and emptiness. 

The Lost Child

This is the quiet family member who will never mention the problem.  They keep to themselves and always use caution before they talk or act.  The lost child does everything to avoid conversations about the problem at hand.  They will even give up personal needs and desires to avoid confrontation.  The lost child feels anger, neglect and loneliness. 

Overcoming Family Roles and Codependency

Ultimately, these roles lead to codependency in an unhealthy family.  Family members are living their lives based on what another family member needs.  They lose their identity and become the role they are playing. 

Looking at these roles individually allows each family member the ability to make changes.  Overcoming these roles allows you to overcome more significant issues, like drug addiction and alcoholism.  In the healing process, each family member should become whole so that the family can work together to deal with problems in a healthy way. 

The goal should be for each family member to become true to themselves, so that they have something to offer the group as a whole.  They should act in a way that is independent and proactive against the way they were acting in their assigned role.  When a family works out their problems in this way they can deal with a problem like drug addiction as a unit, rather than each member playing their specific role. 

Not playing the part can be difficult.  You have to be honest with yourself and decide how you wish things were.   Next, you have to communicate that without playing a role and incorporate plans for how you want your new life to be.  When one family member changes it usually throws the others off balance, so try to be patient and tolerant of others. 

See more at: Family Outreach Program

Certain roles are often present in any family, but when drug addiction is added to the mix these roles become considerably prevalent.  The entire family is in a sense, “spiritually sick.”  Identifying these roles is the first step in the healing process.  Let’s look at each specific role.   

The Addict

This is the family member with the addiction.  Everything is centered on and revolves around this person.  Other family members take on different roles around this person.  They pick up whatever duties and responsibilities the addict is lacking.  However, the addict does not have to be the most important person in family recovery.  The addict is driven by self-centered fear. 

The Enabler 

The enabler is also known as the caretaker.  Without this person, no other roles would be possible.  The enabler avoids the issue and tries to keep everyone in the family happy.  They are constantly making excuses and keep the family from getting better.  This person minimizes or ignores the problem when talking to others.  The enabler feels helpless, inadequate and fear. 

The Hero 

The hero is the family member who tries their hardest to make the family look good on the outside.  This person is the perfectionist.  They make the outside look good and pretend like the problem doesn’t exist.  The hero is full of guilt, shame and fear. 

The Mascot 

This family member is the one who tries to make light of the situation.  They make inappropriate jokes to cover up how they really feel.  Sometimes they take these jokes too far and harm others.  This can be detrimental in the recovery process.  The mascot is experiencing feelings of shame, anger and embarrassment. 

The Scapegoat

This person is the rebel of the family.  The scapegoat will often act out around others.  They like to keep the attention away from the addict who needs help.  The scapegoat is an expert at covering things up doing anything to divert attention from the problem.  This person has underlying feelings of guilt, shame and emptiness. 

The Lost Child

This is the quiet family member who will never mention the problem.  They keep to themselves and always use caution before they talk or act.  The lost child does everything to avoid conversations about the problem at hand.  They will even give up personal needs and desires to avoid confrontation.  The lost child feels anger, neglect and loneliness. 

Overcoming Family Roles and Codependency

Ultimately, these roles lead to codependency in an unhealthy family.  Family members are living their lives based on what another family member needs.  They lose their identity and become the role they are playing. 

Looking at these roles individually allows each family member the ability to make changes.  Overcoming these roles allows you to overcome more significant issues, like drug addiction and alcoholism.  In the healing process, each family member should become whole so that the family can work together to deal with problems in a healthy way. 

The goal should be for each family member to become true to themselves, so that they have something to offer the group as a whole.  They should act in a way that is independent and proactive against the way they were acting in their assigned role.  When a family works out their problems in this way they can deal with a problem like drug addiction as a unit, rather than each member playing their specific role. 

Not playing the part can be difficult.  You have to be honest with yourself and decide how you wish things were.   Next, you have to communicate that without playing a role and incorporate plans for how you want your new life to be.  When one family member changes it usually throws the others off balance, so try to be patient and tolerant of others. 

See more at: Family Outreach Program

“The alcoholic is like a tornado roaring his way through the lives of others.  Hearts are broken.  Sweet relationships are dead.  Affections have been uprooted.  Selfish and inconsiderate habits have kept the home in turmoil.” (Alcoholics Anonymous p. 82)

Addicts and alcoholics leave their families in a state of constant chaos and fear.  Selfishness, dishonesty and anger are commonplace in addicted homes.  The addict’s behavior creates negative emotions, which in turn causes family members to become more and more intoxicated by these conflicting feelings.  Like the addict, family members become “spiritually sick,” and they are usually in more pain than the addict. 

The disease of addiction has a major impact on family dynamics, roles and stability. Because the entire family is affected, recovery is vital for the entire family.

Stages of the Family Disease 

Members of the family experience the same bottoming out process as the addict.  There are usually 4 stages the family goes through before seeking recovery. 

The first stage involves natural concern.  The effects of the disease of addiction have only just begun and they are genuinely concerned about their loved one’s wellbeing.  They have no clue what they’re in for. 

The next stage is when the family becomes defensive.  This follows the first time the family “blocks out” or denies the reality of the situation and what’s really going on.  This is the beginning of denial.  They may lie for the addict and cover up their behavior, while tolerating this behavior they begin to feel responsible for the problem.  Family members usually become absent minded in this phase.  They begin to feel inadequate and frustrated.  Often times they do everything in their power to take care of others, but they do nothing to help themselves. At this point, they are in need of mental help. 

The third phase involves severe depression and anxiety.  Like the addict, they have completely lost their self-worth and their desire to go on.  They are completely and utterly exhausted.  The excuses and justifications stop working.  They are living a life completely run by fear.  This is the point when they have reached their “bottom.” 

At this point, the recovery process can begin.  When the pain gets great enough, we take the action to change.  The entire family must face their problems and accept help in order to recover. 

Family Addiction Recovery 

The disease of addiction has a major impact on family dynamics, roles and stability. The entire family is affected, so recovery is vital for all.   A family recovery program is very similar to the addict’s. 

Individual and group family counseling is highly recommended.  Therapy is a safe place to talk honestly and openly about how the disease affected you and your family as a whole.   A professional counselor can help by giving solution based feedback that you may not have come up with on your own.  Through therapy family communication and decision making for substance abuse problems in the future will improve dramatically. 

A support system is absolutely essential in family recovery.  Find support groups from your Church, Alanon, Naranon, Coda, or connect with other Watershed Family members on this site.  Developing a support network of other people who have been directly affected by this disease is the first step in family recovery. 

Learn the signs and symptoms of a relapse.  Watch for changes in behavior, attitude and mood swings.  The road to recovery is up and down, so be prepared and know what preventative measures you can take to help your loved one. 

See more at: For Your Love One