Lives in Recovery

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  • Post-Acute Withdrawal Syndrome (PAWS)

    Post-Acute Withdrawal Syndrome (PAWS) and the Recovery Process

    There are two stages of withdrawal from alcohol and drugs and they are known as acute and post-acute withdrawal syndrome.  The acute withdrawal phase deals with the physical symptoms of detox, whereas the post-acute withdrawal deals primarily with the emotional and mental symptoms that come after the acute phase is completed.

    It is not uncommon for an addict or alcoholic to suffer from post-acute withdrawal syndrome anywhere from six months up to two years after last use. Long-term drug abuse and alcoholism can damage the nervous system and this helps produce the effects of PAWS. It takes time for the body and mind to heal, so please be patient with your loved one during this process.

    PAWS Symptoms

    Depression

    Mood swings

    Overwhelming feelings of guilt or remorse

    Pessimistic thinking

    Irrational feelings

    Lack of focus

    Increased sensitivity to stress

    Blocking or numbness of memories and feelings

    Sleep issues

    Social anxiety and trouble with interpersonal skills

    Lack of motivation or initiative

    Intense cravings

    Memory loss

    Tired

    Difficulty multitasking or completing simple tasks

    Unrealistic expectations of self and others

    Post-Acute Withdrawal Syndrome Treatment

    There may be times where you just want to “fix” your loved one, but this is just part of the healing process. You can help by showing patience, understanding, and love. Allow your loved one to continue going to meetings and talking with their sober support or therapist if they have one. Let them know that you are there for them and that they will get through this. They will be just as frustrated with their behavior as you will be. PAWS is not permanent and as the addict/alcoholic heals, the symptoms of PAWS will eventually go away.

    In the meantime, the person recovering will find the symptoms are helped by being hydrated, eating healthy, getting enough rest, exercising, and attending to their recovery program. Watching funny movies, mediating, journaling, getting a hobby, and playing games that work out the brain have also been proven to help alleviate PAWS symptoms.

    Remember that your loved one is trying to live a new way of life that is completely foreign and frightening to them. It may frustrate you at times and you may even feel alone yourself. You are also going through a healing phase; make sure that you are taking care of yourself as well. Attending support groups like Al-anon, Nar-Anon, and Families Anonymous can greatly help you on your journey of recovery as well.

    See more at: Dealing with PAWS

     

  • Trust Again

    Learning to Trust Again

    Your loved one’s recovery is nothing short of a miracle, and you are extremely grateful for their new and normal lifestyle. So, why does your stomach still lurch and your fists still clench when your Loved one is a few minutes late coming home from school or work, or even when they are leaving to attend a recovery event with their new sober friends?

    It’s not that you want the addict by your side all the time, but more about the question as to when they are not here are they going to be able to handle the pressures and influences and not use drugs or alcohol?

    Jackie Glass, psychotherapist for The Watershed Addiction Treatment Centers, says one of the biggest challenges facing family and friends is learning to trust again. “It is normal for friends, family and co-workers to be anxious when the addict returns home and back to work after treatment,” Jackie says.

    “Trust is earned in time through communication, concrete behavior changes and in the achievement of significant clean time.  Family and friends naturally fear the addict/alcoholic will relapse and ultimately die,” Jackie continues.  “They feel anger and resentment because of the addict/alcoholic’s negative behaviors, yet love the individual and have hope for their future. Because of these fears and ambivalent feelings, the issues of trust and family expectations are exceptionally important to address in family counseling prior to the addict/alcoholic returning home.” The recovering addict and their families should remember the slogan, “One day at a time.”  Which literally means that sobriety is a day by day journey.

    Sobriety is maintained and continued after treatment by using a combination of the tools learned while in rehab and learning to apply them afterward with the help of a 12-step program, counseling or therapy, and in many cases, doctor-prescribed psychiatric medications. “One day at a time” can also be applied to the recovering addict’s family and friends. Addiction damages and destroys relationships.  Just because your loved one is home from treatment and sober now, you will not have a magically repaired relationship.  You may not trust them in the beginning of their recovery. It’s ok.  This takes time.  Trust, like sobriety, is a precious and valued commodity which will be earned through patience, vigilance, compassion, spiritual and behavioral changes, and living proof.

  • Where Am I Today?

    “Where Am I Today? What Do My Actions Say?”

    In working with people who are new in recovery, it is important to realize that our greatest asset – can also be our greatest downfall if we are not diligent in our own recovery. Our greatest asset is actually NOT our experience, strength and hope. We can share our experience, strength and hope and yet, be doing absolutely NOTHING to develop our spiritual growth, or if you will, “our own recovery”. Even more dangerous is that we may do our “song and dance” SO LONG that even “we” can no longer tell the true from the false of our actual circumstances.
    Indeed our greatest asset is in striving to put into practice through our actions, the principles of recovery, which we stand before others and share about. I believe there is no more powerful a tool in this life than to have someone truly “LIVING” the “strength and hope” of what we share so much about. The new person who listens to our stories often lives in one of two camps: (1) The one that desires hope and wants to believe what they are hearing; AND (2) The one that fears hope and wants to find the lie, the hypocrisy and the impossibility of it all. Indeed our words are quite a powerful tool which can stir the hearts of those who will listen. But a MUCH more important task lies before us….that being “how we LIVE OUT our words in our day to day lives.” None of us can live out perfect recovery, but we certainly can actively strive to pursue the growth and development of our spiritual condition by means of: (1) Seeking daily the direction of a Power greater than ourselves; (2) Surrendering our will for that of a Greater will; (3) Seeking out opportunities to be of service to our fellows and (4) Holding ourselves accountable to someone of our choosing. YES our greatest asset is when our actions reflect our words!

     Likewise, there is no greater disservice we can do to ourselves and to our fellows, (especially the newest among us), than for our actions to contradict our words. For it is in doing this, that the one who once found hope and belief upon hearing us speak…will likely endure the experience of disillusionment. Likewise the one so full of Doubt and Sinicism…will likely embrace the illusion confirming the impossibility that they held to so fearfully tight. Am I saying that ALL who experience this disappointment fall away into relapse or are never to be heard from again? NO…But am I saying that some will? Sadly the answer is “Yes indeed they will”.

     Working with new people in recovery is an awesome responsibility and not to be taken lightly. Is it possible that we will ALL wander from time to time – our steps found to be somewhat lacking, perhaps even hypocritical as compared to our words? ABSOLUTELY! That is simply part of being human. It is not in our mistakes that we bring harm to others, because we all have the ability to attain reconciliation with those whom we find fellowship. Our strength will be found in acknowledging our shortcomings to those around us…especially the new person and from there proceed forward in our own journey. It is in this example of putting our words into action, that the new person see’s first hand that recovery is NOT about perfection…but about how to live with our imperfections.

    © Rebecca Balko

  • Ongoing Support

    Showing Support & Helping Your Loved One

    You are not responsible for your loved one’s recovery but your support is important.

    Family and friends typically want to provide active support after their loved one leaves treatment.  It is easy to do this when the newly recovering addict is doing what it takes to achieve sobriety: regular meeting attendance, working with a sponsor, developing a sober network of friends, and participating in their aftercare program.

    What if your loved one begins to slack off on their program of recovery?  Maybe they are associating with friends who use, they are attending fewer meetings, they have stopped taking their prescribed psychiatric medication, or they begin taking their sobriety for granted

    Family and friends may hesitate to overly-involve themselves in their loved ones recovery program.  They have been told they did not cause the persons addiction, nor can they cure or control it.  However, providing ongoing support and encouragement to the addict is perfectly acceptable.  This is one of the most important things friends and family can do whether their loved ones recovery process is right on track or they seem to be slacking and disconnected. 

    Here are a few ways you can provide support in your loved one’s recovery process:

    Educate yourself about addiction and the recovery process. You will be better prepared to recognize if your loved one shifts from solid to shaky recovery.

    Keep open the lines of communication and let your recovering loved one know they can talk to you if they are become feeling like they want to use or they become complacent in their recovery.

    If you live with the recovering addict, provide a sober environment. 

    Assist your recovering loved one when it comes to their recovery-related needs but try not to cross the line into old enabling behavior, such as paying their bills or agreeing with things they are doing when you really do not. Self-sufficiency is a key to sobriety.

    Remain interested in their recovery, especially their successes.  Let them know how proud and happy you are that they have turned their life around. Give credit where credit is due and recognize their diligence and commitment.

    Continue your own program of recovery with Alanon, Naranon, Alateen, along with family or individual counseling. If the recovering family member or friend quits going to 12-step meetings, or will not participate in family counseling, that does not mean you have to let up on your program. It is more important that you keep up on your own program for yourself, not for them. 

    Accept and understand the fact that they may opt to attend a 12-step meeting or recovery-related event instead of a family gathering. There are times when a meeting is crucial for a recovering addict:  when they want to go and when they do not want to go. Never stand in the way or discourage their attendance at meetings or participation in anything that benefits their recovery.

    If they do relapse, intervene and get them back to treatment. Get Help Now!

  • Healing

    Healing

    Feelings of Guilt: Their Addiction Is Not Your Fault

    There’s nothing more defeating than feelings of guilt. The relationship that guilt has with shame, avoidance, and denial is dominating, especially when it comes to the life of a parent dealing with a child who suffers from addiction. Feelings Of Guilt It’s safe to assume nearly all parents of addicts can relate to feelings of guilt that have stemmed from not being able to help their child recover, but the truth is that no person can get an addict clean without them wanting recovery and doing the work. This is because addiction is a disease which means that the…

  • Acceptance

    Finding Peace While Your Child Struggles With Addiction

    When you’re a parent of an addict and/or alcoholic, finding peace when your child is suffering from the disease of addiction can seem impossible. There is however the hope that you can both find your way back to stabilization. Finding peace in the midst of chaos The idea of finding peace can provide relief, especially during extremely vulnerable times. Realistically, you shouldn’t have to be worrying about whether or not you’ve hugged your child for the last time. There’s no question your child’s addiction to alcohol and drugs has disrupted the relationship you share because the disease branches off…

  • Mothers in Recovery: How To Put Your Recovery First

    Mothers in Recovery: How To Put Your Recovery First

     

    There’s no denying how difficult it can be for both mothers in recovery and those who are aiming to achieve sobriety.  Recovery is possible, even for you as a mother.  Though the idea of leaving your children and/or husband may sound difficult and maintaining a program of recovery can be overwhelming during motherhood, both will end up benefiting you and your family because you will actually be able to present for your loved ones.

    Mothers in Recovery

    Parenting is difficult alone but when combatting sobriety is thrown into the mix, it can become even more of a challenge.  Mothers in recovery certainly don’t have it easy to say the least, especially when you may not want to leave your children and/or husbands to go off into an alcohol and/or drug rehabilitation treatment center to recover.  Keep in mind that you wouldn’t be leaving your family permanently and that you are going away temporarily to get better.  If you had any other type of illness, you wouldn’t stay with your family and refuse treatment because you didn’t want to leave them; you would head right on over to recover so that you could get better as soon as possible and get back to being present with your family.

    Time for recovery

    An issue of concern for most mothers in recovery is finding the time to recover.  This is where mothers like you might stumble into misguided thinking; you should be making time for your recovery program.  The harsh reality is that anything an alcoholic and/or addict places before recovery will ultimately be lost.  Recovery HAS to come first!  This doesn’t mean you should neglect family responsibilities, but it does mean you should be making sure you are viewing treatment as the priority it is.  This means going to rehab, going to meetings, keeping in contact with a sponsor, and working on your program.  You could get connected with a specific Twelve-Step Fellowship meeting for mothers and/or parents so that you know its okay to bring your young children with you to the meeting, or if you have no other option, you may just have to bring your young children with you.  Another option could be trying to find care for your children during that specific meeting time during the week and make the commitment to attend that meeting regularly.  If your children are older and in school, then a great suggestion for you could be to attend meetings and handle recovery-related tasks during this duration when they are pre-occupied.

    Reasons behind substance use explored

    Mothers in recovery should be prepared to look at the reasons why they were resorting to drinking in the first place.  Drinking excessively and/or abusing other substances can be linked to having to combat major stressors.  For example, single mothers can face difficulties regularly if they struggle with finances, finding care for their children, and/or can’t provide as much as they would like.  Even mothers who are married with children still face challenges that might have led them to pick up drinking and/or abusing drugs, such as feeling overwhelmed with marital problems, house care, depression, anxiety, and/or work.  Having discussions with the family and/or professionals can help to alleviate some of this distress.

    Whether you are struggling leaving for treatment or adjusting to your life as one of mothers in recovery and trying to find an adequate balance, motherhood may be tough but it’s worth it when you can experience it sober.

     

  • Finding Peace While Your Child Struggles With Addiction

    Finding Peace While Your Child Struggles With Addiction

     

    When you’re a parent of an addict and/or alcoholic, finding peace when your child is suffering from the disease of addiction can seem impossible.  There is however the hope that you can both find your way back to stabilization. 

    Finding peace in the midst of chaos

    The idea of finding peace can provide relief, especially during extremely vulnerable times.  Realistically, you shouldn’t have to be worrying about whether or not you’ve hugged your child for the last time.  There’s no question your child’s addiction to alcohol and drugs has disrupted the relationship you share because the disease branches off to affect the entire family.

    Let go of the anger

    Setting aside anger may be difficult.  You may not want to do it because you may feel your anger is justified but holding onto the anger isn’t going to change anything.  It will only amplify negativity.  You won’t be finding peace any more than you will be on your way to living happy, joyous, or free.  Instead you will be caging yourself like an animal and keeping yourself locked in chains.  The past is gone.  It’s over and done with.  Now is the time to live and let live.  Your child’s addiction is not your fault, so you shouldn’t be angry at yourself or them for suffering from an actual illness.  You must accept what you simply cannot change, focus on what can be changed through taking action such as seeking treatment to recover, and stop burning up energy foolishly by being angry to instead convert energy more productively into something far more positive for both of your own well-beings.

    Be positive

    If your child is struggling with addiction and not ready or willing to recover from their disease, then staying supportive by reinforcing positive behaviors can assist in helping to push them forward along the way since it can act as a motivator for change.  It’s unfortunate but depending on the age of your child, if your child isn’t willing to put in the effort by working a program of recovery, then there’s realistically only so much you can do for your child when you’ve already intervened, stopped enabling them, cut off financial ties, and provided suggestions for treatment options.  This doesn’t mean recovery is hopeless for your child!  Stay positive about your child recovering.

    Live your life

    There’s no room for codependency in your life when your child is suffering from an addiction.  This can be the ultimate destruction for you finding peace.  If your child is in recovery for their addiction, they have begun chasing after and embracing their newfound life, just as you should too.  Not only will you have more motivation and passion for your life, but you will set a great example for your child.  You deserve to live a rich and fulfilling life!  Remember that addiction is a disease, affecting all members of the family.  It can leave an emotional toll on you.  Immersing your energy into a favorite pastime can help you create a life for yourself.

    Finding peace can be challenging for anyone, especially parents of addicted children.  Not only is it possible for alcoholics and addicts to recover, but it’s also probable for you as parents to overcome a life of turmoil to live peacefully.

    Need more help? Click here or here. 

    Family Resources

    Al-Anon

    Nar-Anon

    CoDA 

     

  • Father’s Day: To The Children of Alcoholics

     

    As children of alcoholics, it can be difficult having an alcoholic father who is actively drinking, especially with Father’s Day coming up on June 21.  A father is supposed to be someone a child can count on for support and turn to when there is nowhere else to go.  These matters can grow complicated for children of alcoholics, who tend to feel left in the dark when their fathers care more for the drink than their children due to being wrapped around in selfishness of their disease.

    More: Adult Children Of Alcoholics

    Dealing with the Alcohol Father

    Children of alcoholics struggle to have an accurate depiction of an adequate and true father.  As if dealing with an alcoholic who is actively drinking isn’t difficult enough, holidays can be particularly rough because they are known for indulging more!  So how does a child who is struggling with an alcoholic father deal with his raging ways during the holiday?  With Father’s Day coming up, your alcoholic father may be in need of several situations being defused, so be careful not to add stress to an already heated situation and be on the lookout.  For example, a scenario where you are having a simple family dinner can easily escalate into chaos if a statement is misunderstood as judgement and an argument erupts.  An alcoholic often blows conversations and topics out of proportion, so beware by keeping on your toes.

    Looking back at the hole in the family

    Father’s Day can emphasize the fact that there’s a missing piece to your family, which can be devastating.  This goes to show how addiction is a family disease.  Alcohol hasn’t just impacted your father’s life, but it has branched out to affect yours and the entire family.  This Father’s Day could be filled with joy and freedom, but alcohol has got your father wrapped in a life of vicious tirades of lies, manipulation, and deceit.  There is hope for your loved one when you encourage them to reach out by seeking help for their alcoholism.  Alcoholism is an actual brain disease, not a moral dilemma.  This means that your father hasn’t deliberately been trying to fail you as a father but rather has been suffering from a true illness that requires treatment.

    What you can do

    This holiday should show you how valuable it is to have a father who could and should be present in your life.  If your father is active in their alcoholism, you should be open and honest by expressing your concerns about his drinking.  In a loving, caring, and concerned way, you can express how you feel he should seek help.  Tell him how you feel he should address the issue by seeking help through attending12-step fellowship meetings, reaching out to a treatment facility, or going to an outpatient service.

    The main point of Father’s Day is to appreciate your father.  Even though children of alcoholics may be frustrated with their fathers for not having been present during important moments in life, you can still enjoy the present moment to the best of your ability.  Try to see that your father isn’t a bad person but rather sick with a disease and in need of treatment for an actual illness.  People can and do recover from the grips of alcoholism every day when they are willing to put in the work on themselves.

    Need help with a loved one who can’t stay clean and sober? Contact Us Now! You do not have do this alone. We can help.

     

  • Mothers of Addicts: Understanding How the Disease Impacts the Family

    Mothers of Addicts: Understanding How the Disease Impacts the Family

    It’s evident how mothers of addicts face challenges with their children throughout their addiction.  For mothers, it can be difficult to watch as your children battle addiction because you can feel completely helpless.  The sad reality is that addiction expels onward and can affect the entire family.  Not to mention, there is nothing quite like a mother and child love.  Mother’s Day is approaching this upcoming May 10 and whether your child is recovering from their addiction or still active in their use, the holiday can bring up some overwhelming feelings for you.  Continuing to learn about the disease of addiction and grasping that your child’s addiction is not your fault are both important components that can be pivotal in helping to keep your spirit lifted this Mother’s Day.

    Addicts Mom

    If your child is in recovery for an addiction, this Mother’s Day, you may be resting more at ease than you may have in previous years.  In times past, you might have been on edge because despite your child physically being present, they may have had their arms crossed, eyebrows pointed down, and been in a cranky mood the entire time as they obsessed over abusing substances.  They may have been under the influence of alcohol and/or drugs the whole time they were with you, or they may have snuck off to get a fix of their substance because they needed it immediately at any and all costs.  When your child was acting out in these selfish, self-seeking, and dishonest ways, they walked all over you and hurt you in ways they may have not realized at the time.  This Mother’s Day is different now that your child is in recovery, not just because they will be sober this year but because they will be emotionally and mentally present with you!  A difference can be seen when individuals like your children are emotionally and mentally present because their minds won’t be wandering elsewhere.  They can be engaged in the conversation.  You will be able to see them light up in conversation, ask questions about how you are doing, and you may notice they are respectful when speaking to you. 

    Understanding the fear component

    Aside from your child being both respectful and present, another great piece about this Mother’s Day is that now that your child is in recovery you won’t be living in the same fear you had during your child’s active addiction.  One defining characteristic of being mothers of addicts can be living in fear because you never knew when your child would be coming home, if your child would be coming home sober or safe, or if you would have to be bailing your child out of jail or picking them up in an unsafe location at a ludicrous hour.  This Mother’s Day can make you grateful that since your child is not active in their disease, they are making better choices.  Your child can think clearly, make rational decisions, and therefore genuinely want to be spending time partaking in healthy activities with you during the holiday specifically designated for celebrating all that you do.

    Remember this Mother’s Day is different than the rest if your child is in recovery.  It can be particularly special if it is the first year you get to spend together and your child is sober.  Savor every moment you get to spend together.  If you don’t get to see your child this Mother’s Day or have lost your loved one due to the disease of addiction, you can always write a personalized letter, pray or meditate to your loved one out loud, plant a flower in their memory, or share a favorite story about your child on the day to keep their memory going.  Stories keep loved ones alive and spreading awareness about the disease of addiction can help to get the word out to prevent more occurrences of dangers associated with drug use.

    Is someone you know and love still active in an addiction to drugs and/or alcohol?  Contact The Watershed for help today.  It is possible to be pulled out of the cycle.  Recovery is attainable for anybody who wishes to achieve it.