Category: Family

 

Blaming others or yourself can be a common behavior for people who have to deal with addicts and alcoholics when they are active in their disease. Here are some simple suggestions to free yourself from blame. 

How To Stop Blaming

Not Your Fault

Their addiction is not your fault. They also aren’t acting out in their addiction to hurt you and it’s not for a lack of love that they won’t stop using or drinking. Recognize that your loved one is suffering from a disease and that in order for them to get better; they will have to work a program of recovery. You cannot fix them and sometimes letting go while supporting them through their process of recovery is the best thing you can do.

Resentment

When we cast blame on ourselves and others we can tend to become resentful. Let go of expectation of how you think things should go or how you think you should feel. Being angry at yourself or your loved one for the disease of addiction is not healthy and solves nothing. When you can recognize that you are dealing with a disease, healthy actions can be taken. Helping your loved one into treatment is supportive, while giving them money to get high or drunk is enabling. Make sure you are supporting and not enabling and you will find your resentments will come less and less.

Let Go Of Control

It can be difficult when you are dealing with an addict or alcoholic. Try not to take anything they say or do personally, it’s not about you. Remember that they are suffering from a deadly disease that’s behavioral symptoms are not as obvious as when someone is physically sick. Attending Al-anon or Nar-anon can help you stay grounded and show support so you can recover as well.

You cannot fix anyone and taking care of your needs and emotional wellbeing is not selfish, it’s necessary. Make sure that you are not neglecting yourself and enabling the addict or alcoholic in your life. For more information on how to help your loved one recover from the disease of addiction contact us now at 1-877-975-4837. There is hope and healing from addiction.

 

 

There’s nothing more defeating than feelings of guilt.  The relationship that guilt has with shame, avoidance, and denial is dominating, especially when it comes to the life of a parent dealing with a child who suffers from addiction.

Feelings Of Guilt

It’s safe to assume nearly all parents of addicts can relate to feelings of guilt that have stemmed from not being able to help their child recover, but the truth is that no person can get an addict clean without them wanting recovery and doing the work. This is because addiction is a disease which means that the addict suffering can’t get clean without help and it’s not your fault.

More: Addiction Is A Disease

Enabling an addict verses supporting them are sometimes confusing to those who do not suffer from the disease of addiction. Helping your child into treatment by making phone calls is very different than just handing over money to them to use drugs.

More: Enabling Vs. Supporting An Addict

Now, before you beat yourself up for your child’s addiction you need to understand that you didn’t cause it and you can’t fix it on your own.

It’s time to put the bat away and start taking some actions to helping your child recover from addiction.

More: How To Have An Intervention

You also need support yourself, so make sure you head to your local Al-Anon (for loved ones of alcoholics) or Nar-Anon meeting (for loved ones of addicts). 

Get Help

You don’t have to do this alone, and your child doesn’t have to either. Stop feeling guilty for something you can’t control or fix and start taking action to building a happy healthier lifestyle for both you and your family.

24/7 Addiction Helpline: 1-877-975-4837

 

 

An apology may normally be viewed as a positive action, but over apologizing is unhealthy and you should stop apologizing for everything.  Although saying “I’m sorry” does remove feelings associated with guilt and can potentially mend broken relationships with others, these words can instead give off a lack of confidence and competence when used excessively.

Stop Apologizing 

When you apologize before making a statement, you engage in a figure of speech that condones self-criticism, according to Juliana Breines, who holds a Ph.D and is studying self-compassion.  Instead of continuing to knock yourself down, stop apologizing and start saying what you mean with confidence.  Here are prime examples of some types of statements you should stop apologizing about.

What you look like

Do you find yourself apologizing to others about what you look like?  If you make comments like, “I’m sorry I look like a wreck today,” stop apologizing for your appearance.  If the people you’re surrounding yourself with care or seem bothered by your appearance, you might want to consider changing the people you are choosing to associate with.  You shouldn’t have to apologize for your appearance because that promotes shame in yourself.  Be proud of your authentic self and love the way you were created to be.

Having time for yourself

You shouldn’t feel bad for needing time alone.  Each person is allowed to set time aside for themselves.  It’s not selfish to want to have time for yourself.  Throughout the day and week, there are all types of pressures and challenges.  If you want some time by yourself, you shouldn’t have to apologize to anyone or even provide an explanation.

Asking questions

It’s surprisingly common for people to apologize before asking a question, believing it to be “dumb” or feeling they should know the answer.  Stop apologizing because no question is idiotic.  Asking questions is great because if you don’t, then you may not be able to find out answers.  Most people apologize before asking questions in an attempt to protect their pride because they may not want to show they are uncertain about a specific matter.  People tend to dislike admitting when they need help and when there is information they need further explained to them.  When they can stop apologizing and let go of their pride, they may find they can ask the questions they need to get the relevant and necessary information they need.

Not answering right away

Apologizing to others for not being able to answer e-mails, phone calls, or texts immediately is getting carried away.  Most people should understand that life has a multitude of demands that individuals have to keep up with, so not being able to respond right away is bound to happen.  Although you don’t have to apologize, it can be a good idea as a courtesy to let others know you will get back to them, so they are aware you aren’t avoiding them.

Someone else’s actions

Do you find yourself apologizing to the other person when someone else has bumped into you?  This is another common scenario that resins with many individuals because a characteristic of many is that they like to smooth feelings over so there are no negative issues.  The main problem with apologizing for someone else’s actions is that you let others walk over you.  A better solution to these types of encounters would be shifting the response from “I’m sorry” to “Excuse me,” so that you as the individual who was bumped into isn’t apologizing for another person’s behavior, even if it was by accident. 

Issues that aren’t your fault

When others divulge their frustrations in life and your response is “I’m sorry,” it may not be the most effective way to react because you’re not at fault.  A more appropriate response would be “I’m sorry about that” or “That must be really difficult.”

#SorryNotSorry

It’s important to see how you carry yourself through the words you speak.  If you are constantly apologizing before you make statements, you end up expressing a lack of competence and low sense of self-worth.  You shouldn’t be so hard on yourself.  Nobody is perfect, so you shouldn’t set the standards so high for yourself that they are impossible to achieve.

 

 

Do you find yourself a rut and not sure how to get out of it? Well, this article is all about how to be positive even if you are not sure you can be.

Positive Thinking 

Happiness isn’t actually defined as a lack of problems in a person’s life but rather the individual being able to face them and continue living their life joyous.  The power behind positive thinking is that it can allow people to see the big picture instead of getting carried away by focusing on the minor details.  When a person can shift their thoughts toward more positive ones, they may find they can focus on what they have and embrace it instead of what they lack.  This can teach people that what really matters is what a person can do with what they’ve got.  With that being said as a basis for positive thinking, here are several effective ways to help you for when it comes to how to develop positive thinking.

Give Yourself Time

Being patient with yourself is a suggestion that can be applied to just about any matter in life.  You should allow yourself time to get adjusted to new thinking patterns, especially if you are used to being stuck in negativity.  It’s difficult to change how you’ve thought for so long.  Switching from negative thinking to positive thinking can take time because it’s easy to complain and the habit is hard to break.  Don’t beat yourself up because then you’re only reinforcing more negativity.  The cycle of negativity won’t stop if you continue with more negative behavior!

One Day At A Time

Positive thinking can stem from realizing that no matter how difficult a situation may be, it will pass.  The truth is all time passes and no matter how sad, humiliating, or hurtful any situation may be, it won’t last forever.  There will be a day where you will smile and laugh again.  It can be an incredibly amazing idea to consider that the best days of your life might have not even happened yet!  Constantly being mindful of these facts can help you adapt to positive thinking.

It can be tough to stay positive when you surround yourself with negative people.  Although it’s important not to let the behavior of others influence you, it can sometimes be unavoidable when you end up picking up similar patterns of the people you place yourself around.  If you’re around people who are constantly complaining, you may begin noticing yourself starting to do the same.  Don’t let other people’s negativity weigh you down.  Instead, surround yourself with positive people that promote positive energy, so you may notice yourself feeling uplifted and inspired. 

 

 

Helping a loved one who’s struggling to let go of the past while in recovery for an addiction to alcohol and/or drugs can be overwhelming because you may be unsure about how to support them.  Your loved one has to realize they are powerless over their addiction, but you can do your part by providing encouragement and being there for loved one by helping them to let go of what no longer serves them to keep them in the present moment.

Let Go of the Past

When your loved one has an alcohol and/or drug addiction, a lingering distress may exist because addiction is a family disease that affects more than the sufferer.  You may feel inclined to support your loved one by helping them combat pressing issues, like struggling to let go of the past.  When your loved one clings to memories, they can end up stuck in a negative mindset.  Showing your loved one to stay focused on the present moment can be a great way to help your loved one let go of the past.  One way you can do this is redirecting their concentration through conversation during meal times by asking specific questions like how their day went.  Conversation can take your loved one outside their head and allow them to be emotionally present.  Addicts and alcoholics are famous for reliving the past in their heads on constant replay but these individuals get nowhere teasing and tormenting themselves by re-captivating times that aren’t coming back.  They’ll come to realize they are robbing themselves and loved ones of being present by staying stuck in their heads.  Another way to help your loved one let go of the past is to spend time with them.  Whether you decide to watch a movie, go for a walk, go out to a restaurant, check out a museum, tour a new city, play a board game, or travel somewhere fun, spending time together with your loved one can help re-build the authentic relationship.  This can help in creating new memories that won’t have your loved one reminiscing on times that have passed or have them drowning in self-pity.

Accepting powerlessness 

Addiction is a disease that causes sufferers to have distorted thinking.  Sufferers can lose perception of the reality of their illness.  They can have a complete misconception about how powerless they are over what happens when they place the first substance in their body that creates the onset of their disease of addiction.  Denial, minimization, and justification can set in when addicts instead live in a dishonest mindset and continue to be active with their use.  Until your loved one comes out of this thinking and gets honest with themselves about the effects substance use has on them, they won’t be able to see as clearly as others how unmanageable their lives has become.  You can help by providing insight about your loved ones addiction and voicing your concerns.  It’s important to draw attention to the fact that they will only truly recover from their addiction when they are willing to be honest and are ready to commit to working on themselves.

 

 

Helping a loved one who’s struggling to let go of the past while in recovery for an addiction to alcohol and/or drugs can be overwhelming because you may be unsure about how to support them.  Your loved one has to realize they are powerless over their addiction, but you can do your part by providing encouragement and being there for loved one by helping them to let go of what no longer serves them to keep them in the present moment.

Let Go of the Past

When your loved one has an alcohol and/or drug addiction, a lingering distress may exist because addiction is a family disease that affects more than the sufferer.  You may feel inclined to support your loved one by helping them combat pressing issues, like struggling to let go of the past.  When your loved one clings to memories, they can end up stuck in a negative mindset.  Showing your loved one to stay focused on the present moment can be a great way to help your loved one let go of the past.  One way you can do this is redirecting their concentration through conversation during meal times by asking specific questions like how their day went.  Conversation can take your loved one outside their head and allow them to be emotionally present.  Addicts and alcoholics are famous for reliving the past in their heads on constant replay but these individuals get nowhere teasing and tormenting themselves by re-captivating times that aren’t coming back.  They’ll come to realize they are robbing themselves and loved ones of being present by staying stuck in their heads.  Another way to help your loved one let go of the past is to spend time with them.  Whether you decide to watch a movie, go for a walk, go out to a restaurant, check out a museum, tour a new city, play a board game, or travel somewhere fun, spending time together with your loved one can help re-build the authentic relationship.  This can help in creating new memories that won’t have your loved one reminiscing on times that have passed or have them drowning in self-pity.

Accepting powerlessness 

Addiction is a disease that causes sufferers to have distorted thinking.  Sufferers can lose perception of the reality of their illness.  They can have a complete misconception about how powerless they are over what happens when they place the first substance in their body that creates the onset of their disease of addiction.  Denial, minimization, and justification can set in when addicts instead live in a dishonest mindset and continue to be active with their use.  Until your loved one comes out of this thinking and gets honest with themselves about the effects substance use has on them, they won’t be able to see as clearly as others how unmanageable their lives has become.  You can help by providing insight about your loved ones addiction and voicing your concerns.  It’s important to draw attention to the fact that they will only truly recover from their addiction when they are willing to be honest and are ready to commit to working on themselves.

 

Forgiving others can be a delicate matter that you may be quick to avoid. Willingness is going to play an essential role in having the ability to forgive your loved one for their actions acted out in addiction as they enter recovery.

The Process of Forgiving Others

Contrary to what people may pressure you into believing, forgiving others is not a forced requirement in life, but it does set you free. When you are able to see that people aren’t necessarily bad, good, right, or wrong but merely sick individuals trying to get better, then you will be on your way to forgiving. The stages that ultimately work together in allowing you the capability of forgiving others like your loved one who is suffering from addiction may be painful as you go deal with feelings of anger, guilt, and sadness. Keep in mind that you should not hold the expectation of your loved one divulging all of their very worst defects of character. The true reason behind you not keeping this expectation is to protect yourself because, assuming they have a strong sober support network, the recovering individual should be advised not to exert such heavy intimate troublesome admissions prematurely if it is at the expense of perishing what is left of the healthiness in the relationship with you.

There may come a later time when they can further open up to you about more specific details, but when they are taking ownership and having some accountability for the first time by beginning to make their amends, the particulars may not be as revealing for your own personal benefit. This should help reinforce the idea of forgiving others like your loved one while making it seem less overwhelming because you won’t be instantly reminded of all the distressing circumstances in which you felt betrayed and devastated by their specific selfish natures attributed from a direct result of their disease of addiction. When an addict and/or alcoholic begins to go too far in depth about their faults and focuses on putting emphasis on specific harsh details of the past far too soon, it can cause more harm than provide much good for either of you. This is not to say that the addict and/or alcoholic won’t be admitting their wrong. Actually, it’s quite the opposite because when your loved one has approached you to make amends, they are acknowledging the damage they have done to you and are putting in the effort to rectify the harm they have caused.

The act of forgiving others can be distressing. Try not to direct all of your focus on what your loved one has done during active addiction and remember that they are making positive changes in their life now. It can be hard to move forward, but you should try not to hold the past against them while still remaining guarded in protected prudence.

Is your loved one still clinging on to that next drink and/or drug, leaving you conflicted with where to turn for help with their addiction? The Watershed can guide your loved one through the recovery process and show them a way to live without the use of alcohol and/or drugs.

 

 

 

 

 

How many times has someone told you that thinking positive is the solution to your problems? Like most people, it may be more than you can count. Although thinking positive isn’t necessarily the epiphany of solutions or great big answer to life, it can benefit your thinking process and weed out unwanted thoughts.

Thinking Positive

The concept behind thinking positive is simple: an optimistic outlook or perspective on a person, place, or thing has potential to make you more appreciative and hopeful. Without negative thoughts circulating throughout your mind, you will find yourself being able to appreciate your life and actually experience each present moment as it happens. When thinking positive, you may find you have a deepened sense of gratitude. During stressful periods in life, it can be a rather quick drop from this to self-pity. It’s not unordinary for a person to get so focused on their problems that they lose touch with thinking positive and being grateful for what they do have. It can be easier to focus on the negative areas in life, like missing a meeting at work or running late for a scheduled event. In the great scheme of life, these things are virtually minimal in importance, but sometimes anxiety takes over and tricks people into thinking that every area of their life is untruthfully a mess, causing them to get all worked up over nothing. With overwhelming and unwanted thoughts, how does a person manage to return to their daily routines and function properly with the business of living?

Canceling Bad Thoughts

A clever technique to derail negative thoughts and focus more on thinking positive ones is to use the zero tolerance policy in your mind. This rule works by you literally stopping and leaving the bad thought alone. You have to force yourself to not think about it, otherwise it will play over and over in your head and you may start to believe these unhealthy lies you tell yourself. If you can’t instantly drop the thought, try to change your focus by distracting yourself with an activity that requires thought, like a crossword puzzle, sodoku, playing a sport, having a conversation with a friend, or writing a story.

Creating and Practicing Affirmations

Just as reciting negative thoughts repeatedly in your mind can brainwash you to believe the false thoughts, the same works when you are thinking positive ones. A positive affirmation is a statement that focuses on a good quality you possess that you can tell yourself every day. The idea is that over time you will accept it. When you can begin to treat yourself kindly like this, you begin the stages of developing a better sense of self-esteem.

Accepting Thoughts

People often believe that their thoughts are who they are, but this is false. The truth is that people need to grasp that thoughts are just thoughts in their mind and in no way shape the person you are, so that they can better filter out the thoughts that do not serve their mindset well. Seeing thoughts separate from the person they are allows them to change to thinking positive.

Once you discover ways like these to reshape your thinking, you can benefit in great ways. Remember, there are some thoughts that you should not be telling yourself. When people are thinking positive, they can have a better quality of life because they will value more areas of their own life and be more inclined to strive for their aspirations.