Lives in Recovery

Author: livesadmin

  • Do the Work

    Every now and then in my sobriety I get complacent. I start to notice little red flags pop up everywhere in my life; my sponsor’s suggestions start to get more annoying, going to work feels like it’s an unbearable task, falling asleep at night is the only thing I look forward to. I know that despite whatever is spiritually wrong with me, no matter how angrily I go through my days, I ALWAYS have a simple solution; DO THE WORK.

    It was explained to me by my sponsor that the last three steps, 10, 11, & 12 are ongoing action steps that must be continuously lived on a daily basis if I want to stay sober and sane.

    Step 10 outlines a daily inventory for me to keep in check my defects of character, where they are acting out, and where amends are necessary. When I become complacent, I generally just ignore step 10 altogether, however, sometimes I attempt half-measures. For instance, I might write down my inventory but wait a few days to make the amends or never make the amends at all. Sometimes I justify specific character defects like being selfish and just leaving a meeting right after it finishes because I’m tired rather than walking up to the newcomer and welcoming them. Whatever it is, I am not striving towards being a better friend, family member, employee, etc…

    Step 11 encourages me to keep my constant contact with my higher power through prayer and mediation. When I am complacent, my prayer goes something like this; “God, thank you for keeping me sober today”…and then I fall asleep and that’s it. My mediation is just non-existent because after all who has time to mediate when I have to go to work, go to meetings, go to the gym, have dinner with friends, meet with my sponsor, clean my apartment, etc…When I am complacent and I do not actively practice step 11, I am ignoring the one true source that got and keeps me sober on a daily basis.

    Step 12 was explained to me that I need to pass on my experience to the still sick and suffering alcoholic. If I want to keep what I have (a spiritual connection, love and support from friends and family, sanity, etc…) then I must continue to give it away to other people. In complacency, I am really not interested in helping anyone else but myself. Talking to new comers at meetings, sponsoring men through the 12 steps, sharing my message anywhere I can just seems terribly inconvenient. In complacency, I forget the altruistic format of the AA program. It was explained to me that altruism (doing good deeds without expecting anything in return) is what keeps AA running.

    In basic terms, when I become complacent, I become lazy. I become okay with the excuses and I fall short of what I can achieve throughout my day. I need to always remember that my sobriety requires work and everything that I have come to love can be taken away very quickly if that work is not maintained.

  • Captain Recovery No More

    Captain Recovery No More

    I always find it amusing how I thought I knew everything about everything when I first come into the 12 step program. You see, I was always that “professional patient” in every treatment center that I went to – the guy with 7 days clean showing the new patients with 1 day clean how to work a program. Every treatment center has a “captain recovery” and I always filled that position. That type of attitude carried with me for the first year of my recovery. In reality I worked a great program but I just had to make sure that everybody and their mothers knew about it. My ego got even bigger when I started sponsoring guys; I wanted to be that guy that everybody turned to for help. I stopped asking for guidance and found myself going to newcomer meetings just so I can feel like the man. I lost all sense of humility.

    Around that time, I also outgrew my sponsor and stopped learning from him. I didn’t see a need to utilize him anymore but on the same token I wasn’t looking for a new one. I got way to comfortable in my recovery! I slowly started becoming spiritually unfit as I wasn’t willing to make those changes. The biggest lesson that I learned through this period in my recovery is that if I’m not humble, I will get humiliated and that is exactly what happened. My support started calling me out on it. They were all telling me that I’m getting to arrogant. You know you got a problem on your hand when your friends, support system, and your boss are telling you to humble yourself.

    I had to search within me and be honest with myself. After prayer, meditation, and sharing I came to a conclusion that I was being resistant to change because I was too comfortable. I realized that I needed to make some changes. I got a new sponsor and a home group as well as going to different meetings and getting new phone numbers. One of the first things my sponsor asked me is if I know what page 1 of our literature is about. I took an educated guess and said the introduction. He told me to call him so we can have a discussion about page 1. I rushed home and opened up the book and realized that the first page is blank. I immediately called him and he said to me “that’s right, that’s how much you really know – nothing! The more I started talking to him, the more I realized how sick I am and I how there is a lot of work ahead of me. He makes me see how this disease manifests itself in so many of my behaviors. He taught me the true meaning of humility. I truly believe that when I can admit that I don’t know a lot, I have more of an aptitude for learning. The longer I stay in this program the more I realize I don’t know.

    By Leon K.

  • How To Be A Good Roommate In Recovery

    How To Be A Good Roommate In Recovery

     

    Maintaining a healthy relationship with anyone may sound like a difficult task, let alone in the midst of early recovery from drugs and alcohol! It almost seems absurd that such a goal can be accomplished, especially when that relationship is between two addict strangers that may have absolutely nothing in common other than their addiction to drugs.

    Building Healthy Relationships

    It is necessary to remind yourself that your recovery comes first because without it, you can and will lose everything else. This is important because it can be easy to shift gears and try to help others work on themselves, which causes the focus to be lost on your own recovery. With that being said, getting along with your roommate and even building a healthy relationship with one another can actually end up playing an important role in your recovery because both of you can benefit from supporting one another. The key component to being a good roommate in recovery is being honest, and if you know you can’t lift someone’s spirits up, then just don’t try to bring them down. Try following basic concepts at first, abiding by respect and tolerance. With these being valued, there should be little dispute, if any at all. Fairness will also help you both out, so go over who should get what bed, shelves, drawers, and other clothing space. Other factors to go over might be the times you sleep and your cleanliness.

    How to Handle A Roommate Relapsing

    Then there is the major issue: what if someone relapses? This is where it can get tricky, especially in early recovery. If your roommate relapses, it does not make it an excuse for you to do the same. At the end of the day, you should know that both of your programs are separate. It can be devastating to see your roommate go back toward a life that involves the use of drugs, but you can’t allow that to pull you back into the active sickness of the disease. If you are living in a sober living community, it’s equally as important that you tell a staff member about the relapse or your suspicion. This will not only help your roommate, but also keep you safe. These kinds of secrets have the power to kill, so don’t get caught up in peer pressure and forget to live by principles.

    In addition, try to take notice of the behaviors they displayed prior to the relapse. Were they slacking on attending Twelve Step meetings? Did they stop calling sober supports? Had they not been attending an outpatient program? If you look back and saw that some common suggestions for aftercare weren’t being actively followed through, maybe you will realize how important it is for you partake in them during your own recovery journey.

    The Importance of Boundaries

    You may realize that you don’t get along with every single person you encounter throughout the course of your life, and that is okay. Each individual is innately unique and unfortunately sometimes clash with one another. This is why settling boundaries with a room mates that you may find you don’t get along with as great as you would prefer may be beneficial. You may even discover you do indeed have some common ground, however minor that may be. If you don’t want to open up to this person, then don’t. After all, becoming friends with your room mate isn’t an obligation, but if you find that you get along well or agree to coexist, you may discover it to be in your best interest.

    Can’t We All Just Get Along?

    At the end of the day, just try your best to work your program. Many times living with someone in early recovery can be difficult, but not impossible. Good times and bad times can be great teachers for you as you work your steps towards sobriety. Some of the best ways to learn real life situations while being safe is in a sober living community. This is a space where you can learn (without the use of drugs or alcohol) how to be kind, understanding, patient, tolerant, and helpful even when you may not want to be. Take every chance you get to learn, grow and practice this new way of life. Ultimately, it is up to you on how you experience and live your life, so make the best of it.

    Need more help? Click here: How To Build Healthy Relationships With Others

     

  • Freedom of Forgiveness

    Freedom of Forgiveness

    In recovery, we strive to be at peace with ourselves and others. To do that, healing the pain from the past is sometimes crucial. And sometimes to heal that pain we must forgive. Forgiveness is not a good deed that you do for someone else. It’s an act of self- deliverance. If holding onto resentments has its root in self-pity and/or blame, we must work on letting go of these resentments in order to reap the full benefits of recovery. The price of not doing so is too great and does not allow the full affect of peace to shine through with God’s healing grace.

    Forgiving does not give anyone an open invitation to walk all over us or to come back into our life and disrespect us all over again. It also does not mean that we have to accept the unacceptable acts of another. What it does mean, is that we need to realize that all people are sick, and stop allowing these resentments and the people attached to them to run our life. Sometimes the lack of ability to forgive involves the failure to let go of the fantasy that we will eventually receive something from that person that we think we deserve. Perhaps it is attention, love, amends, or could even be closure. Forgiving may require letting go of such fantasies.

    So, if you are having a hard time forgiving, ask yourself, what’s blocking you? Is this resentment benefiting you or hindering you? Most likely there will be a reason that you are refusing to let go. Identify the reason for hanging on, and then ask yourself if that motive is something that you would be better off without. Then get with your sponsor and start the work necessary to be relieved once and for all from the burden of others’ actions. And remember that by forgiving someone, it does not make them right; it makes you free.

  • Fun Begins with You

    Staying sober depends largely on changing your lifestyle and behaviors. A HUGE part of staying sober in recovery is learning how to have fun in recovery without using any mood or mind altering substances. Those new to recovery may view the early weeks and even months as doom and gloom. Rarely have we ever felt good without putting a substance into our system; for some of us it just doesn’t seem possible. That is just one of the many lies your disease wants you to believe. Make a decision to work the entire program, and I promise you will learn what it means to be at peace within your own skin. Today I can laugh and not take myself so seriously, which makes this world a beautiful place to be.

    It is next to impossible to work through your life issues on your own! We‘ve all tried it before and it did not work out so well. Twelve step fellowships do one thing VERY WELL! They offer you an environment where you can meet people, make friends, have sober fun, and talk through some of the things that a person that does not struggle with this disease could not possibly understand. This is not only cleansing for the soul, but a way to begin to fit in. Having fun in recovery begins with realizing you are never alone in recovery unless you choose to be. The sooner you realize this the sooner you can let go and enjoy a life beyond your wildest dreams!

  • No Room for Condescending in Recovery

    No Room for Condescending in Recovery

     

    “Never look down on anybody unless you’re helping him up.”

    ~Jesse Jackson~

    Isn’t it amazing how sometimes we feel as if we’re better than others? While we may not knowingly exhibit this kind of condescending attitude, the truth is that it often shows on our faces. For those of us in recovery, you’d think we’d know better, but sometimes it takes a gentle reminder for us to recognize that we’re engaged in such behavior.

    Why is it wrong to be smug, to feel as if we know something another doesn’t, or to act as if we’ve got all the answers? For one thing, it isn’t very charitable. It doesn’t say much about our character or our humility. In fact, it says something we’d probably rather not have broadcast about. It says that we don’t really care about other human beings and their feelings, or that we’re too wrapped up in our own concerns.

    Something else may be at work here as well. It may just be that we’re trying to compensate for our own feelings of inadequacy. Maybe what we’re doing is trying to project an outward display of having it all together when, in fact, we are feeling rather uncertain or fearful inside.

    If any of this strikes close to home, don’t worry. There is something we can do about it. The first step is always the hardest – recognizing that we’re doing it. The next step is to take action to change our behavior. This holds as true in how we deal with others as it does in our recovery.

    We may not be aware that we’re being condescending to others. One way to check this is to ask our closest friends, sponsor and family members how we’re portraying ourselves. Be sure to keep an open mind and be receptive to what we hear, since it may not be all that pleasant.

    Remember the saying from the Bible, “Let he among you who is without sin, cast the first stone.” Not that being condescending to others is a sin, but it certainly isn’t very nice. And none of us is without our own fallibility. We’ve all got some amends to make; we’ve all hurt others as a result of our addictive behavior, something that we’re working on changing in the present.

    If you can relate to this, or this is something you struggle with, you can change! Here are just a few suggestions:

    First, make it a point that you’ll say only something nice to or about another person today. If you find yourself ready to blurt out something that’s less than kind, zipper your lip and don’t say it.

    Second, go out of your way to do or say something nice to another without looking for anything in return.

    Third, focus on the positive in the people around you. Remind yourself that people are like mirrors; whatever I don’t like in them is usually a quality that lies within me!

  • How Do I Explain My Addiction To My Parents, Spouse, Or Friends?

    Explaining your addiction to the people you love can seem like a delicate task, but you should remember that it is going to benefit the relationships you have with each and every one of them in the long run.  Once you are able to talk with your loved ones about your addiction, you will most likely experience relief yourself.  Whether you want to talk about your disease of addiction with your parents, spouse, or friends, there are some aspects to consider that might prove to be beneficial in your discussion.

    How Do I Talk About My Addiction?

    There are some essentials to have in mind when talking about your addiction with your loved ones.  Some preparation may include thinking about how you will address the issue of your addiction and the words you may want to use when doing so.  Sometimes talking it over with a good friend, professional, or counselor can help you not just practice, but also get feedback on whether you should add in something or leave any parts out.  If you are planning on discussing your treatment options with your parents, spouse, or friends, you may find it helpful to do some research prior to when you admit to them that you are in an active addiction.  Look over and take into account some options like inpatient rehabilitation centers, outpatient treatment programs, and 12-Step Fellowships.  This will help you know what to say when you address the fact that you need help.

    When talking to your loved ones about being in active addiction, remember to be honest.  You don’t have to get into all of the elaborate details about your drug or alcohol use, but you should answer their questions and in a respectful manner.  It might even help everyone involved to discuss how you behave when you are actively using, that way your loved ones will be able to notice and reach out to you if they notice the occurrence. This is the right time to tell them what you have been feeling and what you are currently going through.

    Patience is important when speaking to anyone about your addiction, particularly the people you may be closest to like family, friends, and your significant other.   There is a possibility that they have no idea about what you have been struggling with and then on the other hand, they may have known all along.  Either way, it may take them some time to come to terms with the fact that you have been stuck in an unhealthy addiction.  Being easygoing about giving your loved ones time to adapt allows all people involved to take into consideration how they feel before speaking up about it.  This can avoid some disheartening thoughts on the matter from being shared, or at least have them put into a more effective and non-triggering format.

    Talking to your loved ones about your addiction can be uncomfortable, so try to relax.  Remind yourself that you are doing the next right thing by trying to take whatever measures necessary in order to recover.  

  • Acceptance Of Powerlessness And Unmanageability

    “My name is John and I am an alcoholic.” 

    I must have said that one sentence hundreds of times prior to entering The Watershed, yet never truly felt it to be fact.  I spent the four years leading up to my admission to treatment in and out of detox facilities, outpatient programs, and the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous.  I always thought of myself different from all the other people that I encountered, minimalizing my own problems by comparing them to others.  I figured my abuse of drugs and alcohol was just a phase I was going through as a young man-something that I would be able to just grow out of.  I lived under a delusion that someday I would wake up and things would just be different. 

    But things never changed-they only got worse and worse.  I began to see the consequences stemming directly from my overuse of drugs and alcohol.  The more I fought the recovery process, the more my drug addiction and alcoholism snowballed out of control.  Everything I was warned of happening to me actually started to come true, and the internal pain grew each and every day.  Who knew this pain could go away if I could just fully accept and admit that I was an alcoholic?

    Even after countless arrests, the lost career, and all the struggles I caused within my family, I still felt I had control over my life and where it was going.  I was unable to realize my life was unmanageable until another alcoholic taught me that alcohol was equipped with a double-edged sword against people like me.  First, I had this overwhelming and debilitating mental urge to put that first one of the day in my body.  Then, after consuming that first one, I would not be able to control the amount I would take or foresee the people I would hurt or the lengths I would go to maintain that feeling.  The unknown of where this day may go is what still scares me away from that first drink or that first drug today.  After being made aware of this stark truth about myself, I began to believe that I was an alcoholic and that my life was unmanageable.  Only at this point was I ready to move forward.

    In my personal experience, drugs and alcohol had beaten me down into such a submissive state of hopelessness that admitting my powerlessness was a last resort.  However, this does not need to be the case with every individual.  Rather than comparing ourselves to others, it is imperative to focus on ourselves and our own journey and how we can relate to other people.  Not everyone needs to hit their bottom in order to find a new way of living.  This is a progressive illness, and if treated at an earlier stage, much of the unnecessary pain and anguish associated with this disease can be avoided entirely.

    No one desires or cares to admit complete defeat over anything.  Personal powerlesnesss is probably the toughest thing I have ever had to accept.  I felt admitting personal defeat indicated I was a weak person.  Upon entering this program, however, I was taught that only through admitting utter and total defeat would I be able to make any progress toward growing stronger day by day.  Little, if any, good can be done until one gathers enough strength to accept our weaknesses.  This one act of humility is the foundation for recovery and is the basis upon which we are able to move along and grow as individuals.  

    Written By:John C.

  • Stages Of Alcoholism, Drug Addiction, And Recovery

    Stages Of Alcoholism, Drug Addiction, And Recovery

    The stages of alcoholism and addiction can seem alarming, but there are steps you can take to treat your disease.  Awareness is necessary when it comes to figuring out if you have a problem with alcohol and/or drugs.  If you have been displaying any signs of alcoholism and addiction you may require treatment for a full recovery.  In the midst of your disease, you may find yourself wondering what the stages of alcoholism, addiction, and recovery even look like.  In order to get better, you have to better understand the process of how your disease can grow and how your recovery can too.

    What do the stages of alcoholism and addiction look like?

    In the beginning stages of alcoholism and addiction, you may appear to just be abusing a substance until it grows into a demanding habit that overpowers your own thoughts.  You quickly could have went from using occasionally, with friends, or just for fun to using by yourself, regularly throughout the day or week, and to stop any physical withdrawal you may have began to experience.  This early on in the stages of alcoholism and addiction you probably focused more on the alcohol and/or drugs than anything else that you previously liked to do or were committed to, like sports, hobbies, school, and work.  Some family and friends may have noticed your distanced behavior and said something, but you might not have wanted to hear it and just put their worries at bay by rebuffing them.

    As your alcoholism and addiction began to progress for the worse, your behaviors were falling short of normal as well.  You may have stopped eating almost entirely, taking care of your own hygienic needs, and even sleeping the proper amount.  At this point, you might have started to grow worried because you might have seen that your life was in the process of getting more unmanageable from taking your substance more.  Denial could also play a part here, though, as this too is a part of the stages of alcoholism and addiction.  You may not have wanted to see how serious your disease was getting and how out of control it was making you.

    The most harmful stages of alcoholism and addiction can lead you to do certain things that you would not normally do.  Your disease may bring you far enough to steal from strangers or even those you love most, use during school or work times, overdose or get physically sick in the hospital, and become physically aggressive.  Whether you scared yourself or hadn’t realized how out of control your life had gotten until looking back, you hopefully managed to seek help through treatment through a rehabilitation facility, therapy, or 12-Step fellowship meetings.

    The stages of alcoholism and addiction brought you to the worst despair, but you hopefully you found your way to recovery.  Every day is not always easy but the effort to better yourself and live a more manageable life without the use of alcohol and/or drugs has probably made a major difference in how you live your life.  The process of recovery is not promised to be smooth sailing and it is okay to get stressed out, but trudging through and sticking with sobriety should be your priority. 

    If you feel you may be struggling or need someone to talk to about your alcoholism, addiction, or recovery, contact The Watershed today.

  • Venturing Into the Unknown

    “Instead of standing on the shore and proving to ourselves that the ocean cannot carry us, let us venture on its waters – just to see.” ~ Pierre Teilhard de Chardin~

    It’s time to face an undeniable truth. We’re all afraid of the unknown, more or less. While it is normal to feel some anxiety when going into unknown territory, the fact is that we need to get past our fears and uncertainties if we’re ever to make any meaningful progress in recovery.

    Not that doing so will come easily to us, especially if we’re new to recovery, have recently suffered a relapse, or have a combination of addictions that we’re in recovery from. It is also true that some of us just aren’t that eager to venture into something we don’t know about.

    Here’s a little secret: It’s all unknown. At least, it will seem that way to us when we first begin something new. And it doesn’t really matter much if that something new is a technique to deal with overwhelming cravings and urges, or how to live up to our obligations when we resume work after rehab. When we haven’t been there before, we don’t really know what to expect. Sure, we can listen to what others in the 12-step rooms have to say about this or that technique or strategy, but it really winds up being our own action that will make a difference or not.

    Another common excuse, or rationalization, is that we’re not very good learners. We tell ourselves we need time to adjust, as if the day that we believe we’ll be ready to move forward will come along anytime soon. When we start giving ourselves reasons for not doing something that we know we need to do to maintain our sobriety and continue to make progress in recovery, we’re not going to be realizing any successes in the immediate future.

    There are all kinds of reasons why we fail to take action, even when we profess to want to. They may sound good to others, even convince some of our friends or loved ones, but they’re all still excuses of one sort or another. They’re just a means to delay taking necessary action. The result of our inability to push ahead into new territory is that we remain stuck right where we are.

    The truth is that, once we begin, it will get a whole lot easier. That’s not just the words of a well-meaning sponsor or family member, or even others who have long been clean and sober. It is a fact. The more we learn, the more we grow. The more we grow, the more self-confident we become. What may seem difficult or scary today will become less fearsome the more we do it.

    So what if something we try doesn’t turn out as we expect? We can still learn from the experience, and, in so doing, benefit our recovery. We may discover another avenue to pursue that would never have presented itself had we not gone forward in a certain direction. We will very likely meet new people who may, in turn, open up countless new opportunities. We will never know if we never try. So get busy creating actions plans and then do what it takes, even if that means venturing into unknown territory.