Lives in Recovery

Author: livesadmin

  • The Language of Letting Go Of Controlling

     

    The language of letting go may be the most complex to truly understand at all, especially as it pertains to the relationship you may have with your loved one suffering from addiction.  When it comes to recovering from the disease of addiction, there is an underlying sense of control that the addict and/or alcoholic may be all too familiar and comfortable with.  Straying away from this comfortable sensation may be overwhelming and seem somewhat impossible.  It may even be unbearable and the individual may not even be aware that they are latching onto such an unhealthy coping mechanism.  When the alcohol and/or drugs are removed, controlling tendencies may be most noticeable as these distinct behaviors begin to consume their everyday life.  So how exactly is it that you break away to help them through this insane tendency and let go so you can both function free from self-will?

    Learning the Language of Letting Go

    To truly understand the concept behind the language of letting go, you should understand why it is an issue for you and your loved one to be clutching onto people, places, and things, making them “your everything.”  Trying to forecast outcomes according to your personal preference can easily direct both of you on a self-centered path where you wind up taking “hostages” instead of building authentic relationships.  Your addicted loved one needs to face that they are powerless not just over alcohol and/or drugs but virtually over every area in their life.  If they fail to see this, they wind up placing their sobriety in jeopardy because they put self-will in constant limbo by thinking that they can shape their life to however they please.  There’s a matter of trust that they – and even you – have to hand over daily and by placing that trust, are ultimately kept from getting stuck in scheming to get reactions from others.  When people are busy manipulating other people and plotting a life to go according to their plan, they should stop and ask how they are truly being of service to others.  If they are focused on a life that is centered on themselves, is it truly geared toward the right path for their health?  As it pertains to recovery, the process should be an altruistic, or selfless, program, and when the addict and/or alcoholic becomes focused on self-centered thinking and consumed with selfishness, they slip right back into the diseased mindset.  Alcohol and/or drugs are but a symptom of the disease.  The truth is that the disease of addiction and alcoholism is a disease of the mind that affects the alcoholic and addict mentally, physically, emotionally, and most importantly, spiritually.

    When a person is displaying controlling behaviors of others, they may be saying specific statements in order to get a certain response.  By doing this, they are attempting to control the conversation and spark the response that they want, but they have to realize that there is an actual human being on the other end and that ultimately they do not control what they say and think.  Even if they do get the response that they had hoped, it isn’t genuine because they manipulated the situation and they should take a step back to consider how dishonest, selfish, and self-seeking the nature of the discussion was and how that impacts their relationship with the person now.  This is why it is vital to learn the language of letting go, along with the practice of tools like pausing and meditating prior to taking action.  If measures are taken impulsively or even just prematurely without proper consideration, they cannot be taken back and sometimes, although amends can repair harm done, they do not undo all damage of the catastrophic event unleashed.

    Is your loved one continuing to display controlling behaviors and having a difficult time with understanding the language of letting go because they are entrapped in the spiral that addiction and/or alcoholism has on them?  Contact The Watershed for help today so they can be free of this bondage and begin a life in recovery.  It is possible.

    Talk live now: Addiction Help Chat

     

  • Disease Model of Addiction

    Disease Model of Addiction

    The disease model of addiction is clear in its definition by being indicated as a disease and yet the stigma behind drug addiction remains. Because some people primitively perceive addiction as a moral failure, the true nature of the disease has remained a controversial topic that is still argued in the media despite its official classification as an illness.

    Getting Society to Understand Disease Model of Addiction

    “It’s the context and the relationship that humans have with chemicals that’s really an issue here,” began Dr. Drew Pinsky. “It’s not a good thing or a bad thing. It’s not a weakness or strength. It’s just a biological relationship that humans have in certain context.” Dr. Drew is stating that the focus is not as much on the substance itself but rather on the relationship that the addict develops with it and the allergy initially set off. The disease model of addiction is depicted in place of a moral dilemma because the addict does not possess the ability of self-restraint to prevent themselves from acting out on using their substance of choice. They aren’t necessarily continuously abusing these substances by choice knowing that’s wrong for the sake of it but more so due to the fact that they cannot control their use in any way, shape, or form. “The disease fundamentally is a motivational disturbance. It’s a broken motivational priority,” Dr. Drew simplified. The stigma needs to be broken on addiction because it keeps these sick and suffering addicts from reaching out to seek the crucial treatment they need to recover. Dr. Drew says that society has a greatly distorted perception of addiction and that the misunderstanding may only put substance disorders on the rise. Putting an end to the stigma behind addiction and helping addicts get the treatment they need will begin with proper understanding of the disease model of addiction itself. Society has to come together and be willing to be open-minded instead of holding this misconception of a moral failure stance against the addict.

    14 Days On The Wagon

    CBS News began a two-week series entitled “14 Days On The Wagon” on Monday, October 6 where individuals throughout the nation were challenged to abstain from alcohol and other superfluous drugs to get an empathetic glimpse of what it would feel like to recover from addiction and just how much the disease has affected the country as a whole. While raising awareness about addiction, the series aimed to get as many willing people from the public involved who would talk about what their two weeks off all mind-altering substances was like on a day to day basis and how they felt during the process. With 23 years of sobriety and having found Recovery 2.0, Tommy Rosen went on to say, “There’s so much going on in the world. You can have fun without drugs and alcohol.” That’s the kind of message that CBS News hoped to generate among the participants who embarked on the challenge.

    With over 90,000 people suffering from the disease of addiction each year, the stigma needs to be broken. No individual should feel ashamed of the disease and society needs to learn to let go of the idea of punishment as a solution to drug use. The inability to stop abusing a drug isn’t a weakness but more of an actual ailment that can only be treated through proper regular maintenance.

    If you are in the pit of the disease of your addiction and desperately wanting to come out of it but don’t know how, contact The Watershed today because there is hope and recovery is possible.

  • How to Diagnose Depression: New Blood Test Might Be The Answer

    It can be particularly difficult when a doctor is asked how to diagnose depression because of the myriad of symptoms that the patient displays appearing identical to both physical and mental illnesses. The diagnostic requirements for major depression have traditionally remained somewhat in the gray area due to this. Even when doctors do diagnose depression in their patients and if they choose medication as the form of treatment, they may still end up going through the tedious time-consuming back and forth process of trial and error to discover the most effective prescription and dose. Being the new millennium, it was only a matter of time before groundbreaking history was made in the field of science where blood tests could be done to better diagnose major depression and determine the best course of treatment for the patient. Northwestern University Feinberg School of Medicine scientists have officially discovered this and they hope this could spin off even more extensive ways to diagnose mental illnesses like depression that typically have a stigma held against them due to commonly lacking visibility of for its ailing properties of disease.

    How to Diagnose Depression By Blood Test

    If questioning how to diagnose depression by blood test, lead developer Eva Redei explains that the screening determines major depression by viewing the amounts of nine RNA blood markers, which read the genetic information (DNA) of a person. As a professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at Northwestern University, Redei claims, “This test brings mental health diagnosis into the 21st century and offers the first personalized medicine approach to people suffering from depression.” The best treatment for each individual patient could be determined by the blood tests as well, according to Redei. She discovered this during a group study in which a number of depressed patients at Northwestern University had displayed the RNA blood marker signifying they were suffering from major depression but had showed signs of being responsive and less depressed after 18 weeks of cognitive behavioral therapy. This proved that certain people with specific RNA blood marker types would respond better to cognitive behavioral therapy opposed to other forms of treatment. Redei anticipates for her next step in conducting her studies to lead her to finding a way to decipher major depression from bipolar disorder by genetic screenings. With the ability to perform blood tests like these, patients suffering from depression can be paid better attention to, which in turn could ultimately prevent suicides and save lives.

    Breaking the Stigma on Major Depression

    With an actual blood test providing concrete evidence that there is a genetic deformity among the individual, the stigma surrounding the mental illness can hopefully begin to drop. This blood test acts as the kind of proof of illness that many individuals may feel is necessary prior to receiving actual treatment. For example, some people are under the impression that depression is a matter that the suffering individual should simply just “get over” on their own and so they tell them that “they will come around.” These are exactly the type of thoughts that stimulate stigma. Major depression is a mental disease that the sufferer has no control over correcting and no thought will make the illness instantaneously dissolve away on its own. The disease will require some form of treatment or the patient will continue to display the troublesome, sometimes detrimental and debilitating symptoms that can prevent them from the typical functions of daily living.

    This latest innovation of technological advancement is proving to be a huge breakthrough not just when it comes to diagnosis of depression but for the treatment of it as well. When it comes to diagnosing depression, this new blood test as a determination of the disease will prove beneficial for reassuring the patient that they are in fact experiencing an illness that needs treating and it should not go ignored. This will hopefully show patients that they are not imagining the symptoms they are feeling and that they do depend on an effective treatment plan in order to recover.

    The good news is that there is help for those struggling with depression. Although a blood test to help diagnose a mental health disorder would be great, it is not needed to treat and concur depression today. Through treatment services and therapeutic efforts, you or your loved one can recover from depression and anxiety long-term. For more information on how you can get help for depression, please contact us now. Help is just a phone call away.

     

  • Mental Illnesses: The Concrete Facts Behind The Stigma

    When it comes to mental illnesses, challenging might be the most associated word that comes up. Facing normal situations in every day life when you have a dark cloud over your head could cause anyone distress. Whether as a side effect or full diagnosis, depression may taunt you and keep you from being able to function properly in society. The best thing you can do when it comes to mental illnesses is take it one moment at a time and try not to overwhelm yourself with self-knowledge in an attempt as a cure.

    Stigma of Mental Illnesses

    Mental illnesses are just that – an illness. Overcoming your mental illness doesn’t necessarily mean that it is entirely gone. The most important part of properly treating your mental ailment is being aware of how to manage it. Support from people who have struggled with mental illnesses has been shown to help tremendously. When people are able to empathize with one another’s struggles, it ties a bond where both parties don’t feel alone. This sensation of having common ground gives hope, which is very important when suffering from mental illnesses since most of the time a sense of hopelessness is felt. While the stigma of your mental health difficulties may arise from others claiming you to be pessimistic, self-seeking of attention, or overly complaining, the truth of the matter is that you have a disease that needs to be treated.

    Noticing Triggers

    The best way to prepare for when negative effects of mental illnesses kick in is to know what may trigger outbursts. If you notice yourself becoming irritable from a lack of sleep or increasingly depressed when you oversleep, you should adjust your sleep schedule accordingly in allowance of potential for this to regulate your mood. Sleep is crucial to mental health because your body needs the right amount of 8-10 hours a night in order to rejuvenate and recharge itself. A common factor in mental illnesses could also pertain to difficulties in relationships, whether it is from a significant other or a family member. Knowing when complications occur in relationships and being aware of how they may frustrate you can help you prepare to cope with the fluctuation in your mood.

    Shame and Fear

    Many mental illnesses bring shame to the sufferer. They can often feel embarrassed or indifferent when it comes to having a chemical imbalance in their brain. It is important to remember that your disease will lie to you and can make you believe the misconception that you are weak for not being able to contain it on your own. Learning more about the mental illnesses you may have can provide some relief in knowing what to expect, as well as discussing it with a therapist. Mental illnesses can be serious and even grow to be life-threatening if not treated properly.

    With 80% of people suffering from depression choosing to do nothing about it rather than seek proper treatment, the stigma of mental illnesses seems to stir up controversy. There are many misguided thoughts regarding mental illnesses, but it should be made clear that having one or any at all does not define a person.

    If you or a loved one is struggling with a mental health disorder and needs help, contact The Watershed today. We can guide you in the right direction to getting the support you deserve.

  • What To Expect When An Addict Makes An Amends

    What To Expect When An Addict Makes An Amends

     

    The process in which a loved one would make amends is a delicate one, at best.  There are no proper words that could fit accurately enough to describe what it’s like when they are finally coming to you, willing to admit their wrongdoings, and ready to proclaim their plan of action to make them up to you.  As overwhelming as it may seem, amends can additionally be equally as relieving as long as you remember that certain factors like time can ease the hardship of the process.

    What It Means To Make Amends

    Before

    When your loved one approaches you requesting to set aside a time to discuss how they would like to make their amends to you, you may not even be aware of what the phrase exactly entails.  This may make you nervous or you can jump to the wrong conclusion that you will be blamed for the possible negative role that you played in the relationship between the two of you.  Try to relax your mind and let bygones be bygones.  Just take it as a conversation that will be had.  You don’t know how it will go just yet, so just focus on the fact that your loved one would like to talk.  Do not stress over it or try to prepare for it.  These types of talks should come naturally and both parties should be communicating effectively by listening to one another.

    During

    The best thing to do when your loved one is expressing how they have planned to make amends to you is to listen to them entirely.  They have probably thought carefully and concisely of what to say to you.  In considering the harm they have caused you, they most likely have defined harm as an infliction on the person (which in this case is you) that was physical, mental, emotional, and/or spiritual.  This kind of hurt built a burrier that has ultimately caused obstruction on the relationship between the two of you.  So when they clarify and take ownership over where they were at fault in the relationship, they put their part on the table to make the attempt to clean their side of the street.  They genuinely want to make the relationship that the two of you have right.  You may hear some shocking, even hurtful; actions that they took that affected you.  Don’t feel obligated to conceal how you genuinely feel, but do keep in mind that they are moving forward with their life trying to do what they can to right their wrongs.

    After

    Your feelings may be a bit raw afterward, to say the least.  If you feel you are in a good place to hold a conversation when your loved one is finished with what they had prepared to discuss with you and have any feedback that you are amp to divulge, and then just proceed providently.  Should there be any doubt in mind over your thoughts, then put them to a temporary halt and let the heavy matter have time to digest.  The reality of the situation is that if your loved one approached and went ahead with the process to make amends to you, then they are genuine in wanting an authenticity and clearer air among the relationship.  With this in mind, you may be able to focus on where the two of you are currently at in the relationship instead of where you were during the pitfall.  Hopefully this will help you look beyond the past.  In addition to this, maybe it will even make you consider the role that you played and where you were at fault in the relationship.  Ultimately, this is what will strengthen the relationship and put the two of you at peace with not just one another but with yourselves as well.

    The process in which an addict will make amends is an important component to their recovery.  It’s where they own up to what they did and do their best to rectify the distress caused.  This is a huge change for a recovering addict.  If you or someone you know can’t foresee such a change because they are stuck in a life of misery abusing drugs and/or alcohol, call The Watershed for help today. Recovery is possible.

    Making Amends: What You Need To Know

  • Families Need Recovery Too

    Families Need Recovery Too

    Families are often the primary support for people who have substance abuse problems. Families are likely to experience significant physical, emotional, social, and spiritual stress. Family members can be profoundly affected by having an ill family member; however, quite often they also show a strong desire to understand addiction and mental health problems, and have a high level of motivation to be part of the process of recovery.

    Families need an opportunity to tell their own stories and know that they are not alone, which is why their own recovery is important. It can be more difficult to experience the disease of addiction in someone you love than it is to have an illness yourself. Family members often need validation of how draining the experience of supporting someone with a substance abuse problem can be. They also need people to understand how much they love their alcoholic/addict family member and want them to recover or go back to the way they once were.  There are huge physical, emotional, financial, and social effects of caring for someone with substance abuse problems, but there are also the positive and rewarding aspects of trying to help their loved one. And still more rewards can come from helping themselves.

    Most family members experience a kind of journey of recovery that often parallels the ups and downs that their loved ones experience. But it is crucial they understand the importance of caring for the caregiver, as without their own physical, emotional, social, and spiritual health, their attempts to help their ill family member would likely be ineffective. It is crucial to understand the family dynamics, and that addiction is a family disease. Also, it is important to keep in mind that recovery means many different things to different people and does not necessarily mean a complete absence of all symptoms for the rest of a person’s life. Recovery can mean: gaining acceptance, beginning to take better care of you, learning to set limits and expectations with your alcoholic/addict loved one, and developing a newfound sense of hope and serenity, coping better, or feeling less overwhelmed.

    Together we can be part of the solution instead of the problem.

  • You’re as Sick as your Secrets

    You’re as Sick as your Secrets

    Do you feel trapped, or emotionally abused by your loved one? Do you feel isolated from family and friends, afraid to let anyone know what is happening?

    In a situation like this, the worst thing you can do is to keep silent. It is not helping your loved one, your family, or yourself, to suffer in silence. AA has a saying, “You’re as sick as your secrets,” and it is so true. Don’t keep the secret any longer. Find someone you can trust to confide in – be it a friend or other family members who may have noticed the problem and are concerned, your pastor or other clergyperson, or a professional counselor. You need emotional and spiritual support, and possibly even practical support, to deal with the situation properly.

    Find a good support group in your area for those struggling with addictions and codependent relationships. AA, Al-Anon, Families Anonymous, CoDa, and Celebrate Recovery are all worth looking into; find the group that best meets your needs and attend on a regular basis. Learning ways to emotionally detach when your loved one is not sober, how to keep from being isolated from friends and family, how to recognize when you are being manipulated by your addicted loved one, and how to not let emotional abuse beat you down is important for your mental and emotional well-being. It is also important to recognize how your own behavior is enabling your loved one to continue in their addictive behavior.

    Take care of yourself physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. It is not a selfish thing to make sure your basic needs are being met. It is important to eat right, get proper exercise, get enough rest, and to be in the company of good friends and relatives who are in a clear, healthy mindset.

    Trying to control things by yourself never worked. It is best to give the situation up to God, and let Him work in His way, in His time. And it may take a long time; come to terms with that fact. The “Serenity Prayer” is something that AA and Celebrate Recovery incorporate in their programs, and is helpful to meditate on:

    “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

    Courage to change the things I can,

    And the wisdom to know the difference.”

  • Boundaries are Essential

    When you have little to no boundaries, you compromise who you are. You can lose your identity, your freedom, your life, and even the ability to see right from wrong. Since you are the only one over which you have control, healthy boundaries are a necessary part of spiritual growth and self-love.

    If the addict or alcoholic in your life is your child, don’t fall into the trap of trying to rescue them as they walk all over you and your life – set boundaries.

    If it is another family member that is engulfed in the disease of addiction, do not change yourself to fit their disease.

    We must set limits on what is and is not acceptable if we are to one day help them when they are ready. This can be tough, but the alternative is much worse. It can be excruciating to see someone you love, struggle with addiction. As they say, you need to put your own oxygen mask on first, before assisting others. This is why good boundaries are crucial – not just for your own sanity, but for your loved ones too.

  • How Can I Tell If Al-Anon or Nar-Anon Is Right For Me?

    Often in addiction treatment circles, we hear that addiction is a family disease, affecting not just the addict, but also all those around the addict. Stories of the family addiction can best be told by those who have watched in horror as a loved one spirals out of control in addiction. Addiction itself is a very complicated disease, and many organizations and groups have been set up in order to assist family members, such as Al-Anon for loved ones of alcoholics, and Nar-Anon for loved ones of drug addicts. Just as Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous serve as a strong support system for those struggling to understand and live with their addictions, Al-Anon and Nar-Anon serve similar purposes for the families and friends trying to learn to love and help the alcoholics and addicts close to them.

    Unfortunately, many people erroneously believe that they do not need any help since they are not the ones struggling with the addiction. However, the fact is that addiction affects everyone close to the addict in different ways, and it takes all those close to the addict to serve as support in recovery. It takes time and effort for the loved ones of addicts and alcoholics to overcome the effects of addiction in their own lives, but like the addict, loved ones must also admit to needing help.

    If you are close to an alcoholic or an addict and struggle with decisions regarding the addicted individual, the Al-Anon World Service Office offers a self test to help you determine whether or not you may benefit from the support offered by Al-Anon or Nar-Anon.

    Do you worry about how much someone else drinks/uses?

    Do you have money problems because of someone else’s drinking /using?

    Do you tell lies to cover up for someone else’s drinking/using?

    Do you feel that if the drinker/user cared about you, he/she would stop drinking/using to please you?

    Do you blame the drinker’s/user’s behavior on his or her companions?

    Are plans frequently upset or cancelled or meals delayed because of the drinker/user?

    Do you make threats such as, “If you don’t stop drinking/using, I’ll leave you”?

    Do you secretly try to smell the drinker’s breath or observe signs of using?

    Are you afraid to upset someone for fear it will set off a drinking or using bout?

    Have you been hurt or embarrassed by the drinker’s/user’s behavior?

    Are holidays and gatherings spoiled because of drinking/using?

    Have you considered calling the police for help in fear of abuse?

    Do you search for hidden alcohol or drugs?

    Do you ever ride in a car with a driver who has been drinking or using?

    Have you refused social invitations out of fear of anxiety?

    Do you feel like a failure because you can’t control the drinking/using?

    Do you think that if the drinker/user stopped drinking/using, your problems would be solved?

    Do you ever threaten to hurt yourself to scare the drinker/user?

    Do you feel angry, confused, or depressed most of the time?

    Do you feel there is no one who understands your problems?

    If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, then you, too, could benefit from Al-Anon or Nar-Anon. Most Al-Anon and Nar-Anon groups hold one to several meetings every week in your area, and all are welcome to come and receive and give hope to others.

    http://www.nar-anon.org/naranon/

    http://al-anon.alateen.org/?gclid=CNTM78yIrr4CFTMA7AodnVkAQg

  • Continued Care for the Family

    Continued Care for the Family

    Addiction is a chronic disease; life-long recovery requires continued care for the loved one with the addiction problems, as well as for the family, also wishing to recover from the effects of alcoholism on the family structure.

    Most likely, in the course of your loved one’s treatment, you may have been involved in speaking to your loved one’s therapist or another member on their treatment team in order to share information. Those actions may have been helpful in developing a treatment plan as well as an aftercare plan. The continuing care plan focuses on how the patient can integrate recovery principles into daily life; both in treatment and beyond. Families and loved ones may do well to ask the patient’s therapist how those plans can be sustained through their own support. Research shows that patients who follow an aftercare plan are far more likely to maintain recovery.

    Addiction is called a family disease for valid reasoning. It’s common for family members and loved ones of addicts and alcoholics to become familiar with loneliness, remorse, anxiety, resentment and a whole other host of symptoms and emotions. This disease affects all family members differently; yet family members will be affected. Some may lose their sense of joy or spiritual nature, while still others may find themselves isolating and/or angry.

    Many times family members and loved ones will find themselves feeling as though they are personally responsible for holding the family structure intact. Healing, however, can come for family members when energies are focused towards more positive actions, such as their own needs and feelings.

    Participating in some sort of family group, such as Al-Anon or Families Anonymous, can be one of the most powerful contributions a loved one can make to the process of recovery and the rebuilding of relationships. By becoming conscious of the beliefs and experiences that shape our own behaviors, families can learn to identify and carry out new, healthy ways of coping with issues related to addiction.

    Family members and loved ones can locate Twelve Step meetings in nearby areas specifically designed for them. As well, The Watershed’s family interactive Web site, livesinrecovery.com, is an excellent resource for all those seeking answers to questions about addiction.

    Additional Resources

    Al-Anon: visit al-anon.org or call 888-4AL-ANON

    Families Anonymous: visit familiesanonymous.org or call 800-736-9805