Lives in Recovery

Category: Alumni

  • The Better Decision

    My name is Mike and I am a recovering alcoholic and drug addict. Currently, I’m 23 years old. My last drink and drug took place when I was 20 years old. My decision making to get sober didn’t have much to do with a ‘desire’ to stop drinking or drugging. In fact, if I could have found a way to continue using drugs and alcohol without the resulting consequences that so persistently got in my way, I would have continued. That being said, I did enough “research” to find that I could no longer safely drink and drug in any form.

    In ‘How It Works’ in chapter 5 of Alcoholics Anonymous it says “if you want what we have to offer and are willing to go to any length to get it, then you are ready to take certain steps”. My exact feelings in response to this were: I did NOT want what AA had to offer me because all I saw were annoying meetings, terrible coffee, clouds of cigarette smoke and boredom. I was also NOT willing to go to any length to get it because that would require taking a look at me and my actions (which were horrific at that point in my life). Lastly, I was most certainly NOT ready to take “certain steps” because physically, mentally and emotionally I was broken. On top of that, I was 20 years old! I wanted to be out having fun; staying up until 5 in the morning, going to nightclubs and concerts, doing drugs and ‘really experiencing life’.

    You may ask yourself why someone would still get sober with that thinking.

    Well, thanks to treatment, my mind was (barely) defogged enough for me to realize that recovery was the better option for me. You see, I didn’t want to do anything that involved AA, self-examination, spiritual communication or relationship building, HOWEVER, it was that or go back to daily physical sickness, getting arrested, lying, stealing cheating, etc…

    Now, to an average human being, that decision is a no-brainer. Spiritually change myself or die slowly and miserably? For me, (a 20 year old, undiagnosed alcoholic and drug addict) it was an extremely difficult decision. But I made it and I chose recovery.

    It was summed up to me that, I did not have to want what AA had to offer and I did not have to be willing to go to any lengths to get it, I just had to be tired enough of the chaos spiraling around my own life.

    On a daily basis I have to make a decision; drink alcohol, do drugs and die or stay sober, help myself and others and spiritually grow.

    By Mike E.

  • Handling Stress Clean And Sober This Thanksgiving

    Handling stress over the holidays can become increasingly difficult over time and added distressing factor to the equation can be when you are an alcoholic and/or addict. When the drink and/or drug is no longer a viable option and you are celebrating your first Thanksgiving newly clean and sober, you may cringe in fear, being unsure of what to expect. How do you cope with the holidays and the insanity of the disease of addiction simultaneously?

    Tips for Handling Stress on Thanksgiving

    Remain Calm

    No matter where you are or what you end up doing, the most helpful piece of advice for handling stress on the holiday might be to take a minute to calm yourself if you notice that you are becoming agitated. If you see that you have become overwhelmed, disgruntled, or upset, try going for a walk, contacting a friend who can get you out of your unhealthy head space, writing down your thoughts, or another healthy coping mechanism [link] to take care of the on-coming negativity. This will get you back into the better state of mind so that you can focus on having gratitude, which is what Thanksgiving is really all about.

    Understanding Balance

    Balance and moderation are words that an individual dealing with addiction might have a difficult time grasping but it is important to find a healthy median between giving back enough and then learning when to say “no.” Overexerting yourself and putting strenuous effort into activities that you simply aren’t enthralled over partaking in can place heavy weight on your shoulders and throw you into physical exhaustion. This can bring unwanted distress and put intense strain into your life. Know that it is okay for you to decline activities if you know that you have outdone and overbooked yourself. Don’t take on more than you can handle over the holiday season, especially if you notice yourself becoming overwhelmed. After all, being clean and sober over the holidays can be enough of a stress on its own at times, particularly if you end up around others who are drinking in front of you to celebrate. Handling stress over the holidays can be difficult enough, so if you need to set a boundary by politely turning down some requests, don’t get yourself worked up over it. It’s better to turn them down than to commit to something that you know you won’t be able to put all your efforts into without thrusting all your energy into it and endangering your own mental health in the process.

    Acceptance

    You may be placed in a situation with family, friends, and/or others that causes you to feel discontent because they aren’t acting according to your personal preference. This is where you truly have to take a step back and use the tools that you have gained in your recovery process to accept the things that are simply out of your control that you cannot change. Accepting life on life’s terms, particularly in situations where arguments may arise will help a disturbance find its way to ease and lay at rest. This will be important when it comes to handling stress on holidays like Thanksgiving because you will want to be able to enjoy focusing on being present in the moment and grateful for the joyous, happy, and free life that sobriety has provided you.

    Thanksgiving is a wonderful holiday that allows you to truly be appreciative of the gifts of recovery. These simple ways of handling stress to redirect your thinking and keep a healthy mindset in tact will further benefit you on your road to recovery.

  • Do the Work

    Every now and then in my sobriety I get complacent. I start to notice little red flags pop up everywhere in my life; my sponsor’s suggestions start to get more annoying, going to work feels like it’s an unbearable task, falling asleep at night is the only thing I look forward to. I know that despite whatever is spiritually wrong with me, no matter how angrily I go through my days, I ALWAYS have a simple solution; DO THE WORK.

    It was explained to me by my sponsor that the last three steps, 10, 11, & 12 are ongoing action steps that must be continuously lived on a daily basis if I want to stay sober and sane.

    Step 10 outlines a daily inventory for me to keep in check my defects of character, where they are acting out, and where amends are necessary. When I become complacent, I generally just ignore step 10 altogether, however, sometimes I attempt half-measures. For instance, I might write down my inventory but wait a few days to make the amends or never make the amends at all. Sometimes I justify specific character defects like being selfish and just leaving a meeting right after it finishes because I’m tired rather than walking up to the newcomer and welcoming them. Whatever it is, I am not striving towards being a better friend, family member, employee, etc…

    Step 11 encourages me to keep my constant contact with my higher power through prayer and mediation. When I am complacent, my prayer goes something like this; “God, thank you for keeping me sober today”…and then I fall asleep and that’s it. My mediation is just non-existent because after all who has time to mediate when I have to go to work, go to meetings, go to the gym, have dinner with friends, meet with my sponsor, clean my apartment, etc…When I am complacent and I do not actively practice step 11, I am ignoring the one true source that got and keeps me sober on a daily basis.

    Step 12 was explained to me that I need to pass on my experience to the still sick and suffering alcoholic. If I want to keep what I have (a spiritual connection, love and support from friends and family, sanity, etc…) then I must continue to give it away to other people. In complacency, I am really not interested in helping anyone else but myself. Talking to new comers at meetings, sponsoring men through the 12 steps, sharing my message anywhere I can just seems terribly inconvenient. In complacency, I forget the altruistic format of the AA program. It was explained to me that altruism (doing good deeds without expecting anything in return) is what keeps AA running.

    In basic terms, when I become complacent, I become lazy. I become okay with the excuses and I fall short of what I can achieve throughout my day. I need to always remember that my sobriety requires work and everything that I have come to love can be taken away very quickly if that work is not maintained.

  • Celebrating Halloween Clean And Sober

    The meaning of Halloween can seem different after entering recovery. Having your first Halloween experience sober may make you a little anxious at first, but that’s why it is imperative that you remain open to seeing just how much more there is to a holiday than the illusion that the use of alcohol and/or drugs provides.

    The Meaning of Halloween

    Halloween can be scary but not because of any of the ghoulish costumes or elaborate festive decorations. Society puts a great amount of pressure on the public that holidays are about getting wasted or high to commemorate the proper occasion when the meaning of Halloween truly gets lost. Suddenly, a night meant to be cherished among beloved friends and family can become a tangled mess of mischief and ridicule. The night meant for celebration can quickly slip away when you are busy spending it drinking and/or abusing other substances. When you come into recovery, you begin to develop the ability to actually experience each moment as it happens and be fully aware of what is presently occurring. You may find it more enjoyable because you can actually remember the good time you are having!

    Sober Activities to Celebrate

    So what fun activities can you and your friends find to best celebrate the meaning of Halloween while still staying sober? The fall season brings some unique activities that a person can truly appreciate when they are not influenced by mind-altering substances. Carving pumpkins, for example, goes hand in hand with Halloween and is often quite amusing, no matter how old you may be. Whether you decide to create them with funny faces, missing teeth, crazy cooky eyes, or angry pointy eyebrows, you can make a variety of Jack O’ Lanterns to put outside your home in celebration of the meaning of Halloween. You don’t have to stick to simple matters and only use pumpkins for carving. Pumpkins can also be used for baking pumpkin bread and pie. If you really enjoy baking and the fall season, you can invite some friends to go apple picking, bake a home made apple pie, and heat up some apple cider! Don’t forget to put some classic horror movies on in honor of Halloween. If you are able to, set up a bonfire outside or get your fireplace lit and tell ghost stories. Make it a competition to see who can tell the scariest or funniest tale. If you like to get out more than you like to stay in, then you should search online or look in your local paper to see if there are any local hay rides, corn mazes, or haunted houses. These are ideal activities for getting a good, old fashioned scare while still staying sober!

    These kinds of activities become more enjoyable while you are sober in recovery because you will actually be aware of what is going on instead of being intoxicated and missing out on how beautiful it is to spend these precious moments with one another. It’s these little moments that really mean the most and highlight the meaning of Halloween because that is where the bond is created and further developed in the relationships between the people you are around, which is truly where joy is stemmed from.

    Click the links below for more Halloween fun!

    Halloween Crafts

    Halloween Recipes

    Happy Sober-Clean Halloween!

  • Freedom of Forgiveness

    Freedom of Forgiveness

    In recovery, we strive to be at peace with ourselves and others. To do that, healing the pain from the past is sometimes crucial. And sometimes to heal that pain we must forgive. Forgiveness is not a good deed that you do for someone else. It’s an act of self- deliverance. If holding onto resentments has its root in self-pity and/or blame, we must work on letting go of these resentments in order to reap the full benefits of recovery. The price of not doing so is too great and does not allow the full affect of peace to shine through with God’s healing grace.

    Forgiving does not give anyone an open invitation to walk all over us or to come back into our life and disrespect us all over again. It also does not mean that we have to accept the unacceptable acts of another. What it does mean, is that we need to realize that all people are sick, and stop allowing these resentments and the people attached to them to run our life. Sometimes the lack of ability to forgive involves the failure to let go of the fantasy that we will eventually receive something from that person that we think we deserve. Perhaps it is attention, love, amends, or could even be closure. Forgiving may require letting go of such fantasies.

    So, if you are having a hard time forgiving, ask yourself, what’s blocking you? Is this resentment benefiting you or hindering you? Most likely there will be a reason that you are refusing to let go. Identify the reason for hanging on, and then ask yourself if that motive is something that you would be better off without. Then get with your sponsor and start the work necessary to be relieved once and for all from the burden of others’ actions. And remember that by forgiving someone, it does not make them right; it makes you free.

  • How To Be A Good Roommate In Recovery

    How To Be A Good Roommate In Recovery

     

    Maintaining a healthy relationship with anyone may sound like a difficult task, let alone in the midst of early recovery from drugs and alcohol! It almost seems absurd that such a goal can be accomplished, especially when that relationship is between two addict strangers that may have absolutely nothing in common other than their addiction to drugs.

    Building Healthy Relationships

    It is necessary to remind yourself that your recovery comes first because without it, you can and will lose everything else. This is important because it can be easy to shift gears and try to help others work on themselves, which causes the focus to be lost on your own recovery. With that being said, getting along with your roommate and even building a healthy relationship with one another can actually end up playing an important role in your recovery because both of you can benefit from supporting one another. The key component to being a good roommate in recovery is being honest, and if you know you can’t lift someone’s spirits up, then just don’t try to bring them down. Try following basic concepts at first, abiding by respect and tolerance. With these being valued, there should be little dispute, if any at all. Fairness will also help you both out, so go over who should get what bed, shelves, drawers, and other clothing space. Other factors to go over might be the times you sleep and your cleanliness.

    How to Handle A Roommate Relapsing

    Then there is the major issue: what if someone relapses? This is where it can get tricky, especially in early recovery. If your roommate relapses, it does not make it an excuse for you to do the same. At the end of the day, you should know that both of your programs are separate. It can be devastating to see your roommate go back toward a life that involves the use of drugs, but you can’t allow that to pull you back into the active sickness of the disease. If you are living in a sober living community, it’s equally as important that you tell a staff member about the relapse or your suspicion. This will not only help your roommate, but also keep you safe. These kinds of secrets have the power to kill, so don’t get caught up in peer pressure and forget to live by principles.

    In addition, try to take notice of the behaviors they displayed prior to the relapse. Were they slacking on attending Twelve Step meetings? Did they stop calling sober supports? Had they not been attending an outpatient program? If you look back and saw that some common suggestions for aftercare weren’t being actively followed through, maybe you will realize how important it is for you partake in them during your own recovery journey.

    The Importance of Boundaries

    You may realize that you don’t get along with every single person you encounter throughout the course of your life, and that is okay. Each individual is innately unique and unfortunately sometimes clash with one another. This is why settling boundaries with a room mates that you may find you don’t get along with as great as you would prefer may be beneficial. You may even discover you do indeed have some common ground, however minor that may be. If you don’t want to open up to this person, then don’t. After all, becoming friends with your room mate isn’t an obligation, but if you find that you get along well or agree to coexist, you may discover it to be in your best interest.

    Can’t We All Just Get Along?

    At the end of the day, just try your best to work your program. Many times living with someone in early recovery can be difficult, but not impossible. Good times and bad times can be great teachers for you as you work your steps towards sobriety. Some of the best ways to learn real life situations while being safe is in a sober living community. This is a space where you can learn (without the use of drugs or alcohol) how to be kind, understanding, patient, tolerant, and helpful even when you may not want to be. Take every chance you get to learn, grow and practice this new way of life. Ultimately, it is up to you on how you experience and live your life, so make the best of it.

    Need more help? Click here: How To Build Healthy Relationships With Others

     

  • Captain Recovery No More

    Captain Recovery No More

    I always find it amusing how I thought I knew everything about everything when I first come into the 12 step program. You see, I was always that “professional patient” in every treatment center that I went to – the guy with 7 days clean showing the new patients with 1 day clean how to work a program. Every treatment center has a “captain recovery” and I always filled that position. That type of attitude carried with me for the first year of my recovery. In reality I worked a great program but I just had to make sure that everybody and their mothers knew about it. My ego got even bigger when I started sponsoring guys; I wanted to be that guy that everybody turned to for help. I stopped asking for guidance and found myself going to newcomer meetings just so I can feel like the man. I lost all sense of humility.

    Around that time, I also outgrew my sponsor and stopped learning from him. I didn’t see a need to utilize him anymore but on the same token I wasn’t looking for a new one. I got way to comfortable in my recovery! I slowly started becoming spiritually unfit as I wasn’t willing to make those changes. The biggest lesson that I learned through this period in my recovery is that if I’m not humble, I will get humiliated and that is exactly what happened. My support started calling me out on it. They were all telling me that I’m getting to arrogant. You know you got a problem on your hand when your friends, support system, and your boss are telling you to humble yourself.

    I had to search within me and be honest with myself. After prayer, meditation, and sharing I came to a conclusion that I was being resistant to change because I was too comfortable. I realized that I needed to make some changes. I got a new sponsor and a home group as well as going to different meetings and getting new phone numbers. One of the first things my sponsor asked me is if I know what page 1 of our literature is about. I took an educated guess and said the introduction. He told me to call him so we can have a discussion about page 1. I rushed home and opened up the book and realized that the first page is blank. I immediately called him and he said to me “that’s right, that’s how much you really know – nothing! The more I started talking to him, the more I realized how sick I am and I how there is a lot of work ahead of me. He makes me see how this disease manifests itself in so many of my behaviors. He taught me the true meaning of humility. I truly believe that when I can admit that I don’t know a lot, I have more of an aptitude for learning. The longer I stay in this program the more I realize I don’t know.

    By Leon K.

  • No Room for Condescending in Recovery

    No Room for Condescending in Recovery

     

    “Never look down on anybody unless you’re helping him up.”

    ~Jesse Jackson~

    Isn’t it amazing how sometimes we feel as if we’re better than others? While we may not knowingly exhibit this kind of condescending attitude, the truth is that it often shows on our faces. For those of us in recovery, you’d think we’d know better, but sometimes it takes a gentle reminder for us to recognize that we’re engaged in such behavior.

    Why is it wrong to be smug, to feel as if we know something another doesn’t, or to act as if we’ve got all the answers? For one thing, it isn’t very charitable. It doesn’t say much about our character or our humility. In fact, it says something we’d probably rather not have broadcast about. It says that we don’t really care about other human beings and their feelings, or that we’re too wrapped up in our own concerns.

    Something else may be at work here as well. It may just be that we’re trying to compensate for our own feelings of inadequacy. Maybe what we’re doing is trying to project an outward display of having it all together when, in fact, we are feeling rather uncertain or fearful inside.

    If any of this strikes close to home, don’t worry. There is something we can do about it. The first step is always the hardest – recognizing that we’re doing it. The next step is to take action to change our behavior. This holds as true in how we deal with others as it does in our recovery.

    We may not be aware that we’re being condescending to others. One way to check this is to ask our closest friends, sponsor and family members how we’re portraying ourselves. Be sure to keep an open mind and be receptive to what we hear, since it may not be all that pleasant.

    Remember the saying from the Bible, “Let he among you who is without sin, cast the first stone.” Not that being condescending to others is a sin, but it certainly isn’t very nice. And none of us is without our own fallibility. We’ve all got some amends to make; we’ve all hurt others as a result of our addictive behavior, something that we’re working on changing in the present.

    If you can relate to this, or this is something you struggle with, you can change! Here are just a few suggestions:

    First, make it a point that you’ll say only something nice to or about another person today. If you find yourself ready to blurt out something that’s less than kind, zipper your lip and don’t say it.

    Second, go out of your way to do or say something nice to another without looking for anything in return.

    Third, focus on the positive in the people around you. Remind yourself that people are like mirrors; whatever I don’t like in them is usually a quality that lies within me!

  • Fun Begins with You

    Staying sober depends largely on changing your lifestyle and behaviors. A HUGE part of staying sober in recovery is learning how to have fun in recovery without using any mood or mind altering substances. Those new to recovery may view the early weeks and even months as doom and gloom. Rarely have we ever felt good without putting a substance into our system; for some of us it just doesn’t seem possible. That is just one of the many lies your disease wants you to believe. Make a decision to work the entire program, and I promise you will learn what it means to be at peace within your own skin. Today I can laugh and not take myself so seriously, which makes this world a beautiful place to be.

    It is next to impossible to work through your life issues on your own! We‘ve all tried it before and it did not work out so well. Twelve step fellowships do one thing VERY WELL! They offer you an environment where you can meet people, make friends, have sober fun, and talk through some of the things that a person that does not struggle with this disease could not possibly understand. This is not only cleansing for the soul, but a way to begin to fit in. Having fun in recovery begins with realizing you are never alone in recovery unless you choose to be. The sooner you realize this the sooner you can let go and enjoy a life beyond your wildest dreams!

  • Acceptance Of Powerlessness And Unmanageability

    “My name is John and I am an alcoholic.” 

    I must have said that one sentence hundreds of times prior to entering The Watershed, yet never truly felt it to be fact.  I spent the four years leading up to my admission to treatment in and out of detox facilities, outpatient programs, and the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous.  I always thought of myself different from all the other people that I encountered, minimalizing my own problems by comparing them to others.  I figured my abuse of drugs and alcohol was just a phase I was going through as a young man-something that I would be able to just grow out of.  I lived under a delusion that someday I would wake up and things would just be different. 

    But things never changed-they only got worse and worse.  I began to see the consequences stemming directly from my overuse of drugs and alcohol.  The more I fought the recovery process, the more my drug addiction and alcoholism snowballed out of control.  Everything I was warned of happening to me actually started to come true, and the internal pain grew each and every day.  Who knew this pain could go away if I could just fully accept and admit that I was an alcoholic?

    Even after countless arrests, the lost career, and all the struggles I caused within my family, I still felt I had control over my life and where it was going.  I was unable to realize my life was unmanageable until another alcoholic taught me that alcohol was equipped with a double-edged sword against people like me.  First, I had this overwhelming and debilitating mental urge to put that first one of the day in my body.  Then, after consuming that first one, I would not be able to control the amount I would take or foresee the people I would hurt or the lengths I would go to maintain that feeling.  The unknown of where this day may go is what still scares me away from that first drink or that first drug today.  After being made aware of this stark truth about myself, I began to believe that I was an alcoholic and that my life was unmanageable.  Only at this point was I ready to move forward.

    In my personal experience, drugs and alcohol had beaten me down into such a submissive state of hopelessness that admitting my powerlessness was a last resort.  However, this does not need to be the case with every individual.  Rather than comparing ourselves to others, it is imperative to focus on ourselves and our own journey and how we can relate to other people.  Not everyone needs to hit their bottom in order to find a new way of living.  This is a progressive illness, and if treated at an earlier stage, much of the unnecessary pain and anguish associated with this disease can be avoided entirely.

    No one desires or cares to admit complete defeat over anything.  Personal powerlesnesss is probably the toughest thing I have ever had to accept.  I felt admitting personal defeat indicated I was a weak person.  Upon entering this program, however, I was taught that only through admitting utter and total defeat would I be able to make any progress toward growing stronger day by day.  Little, if any, good can be done until one gathers enough strength to accept our weaknesses.  This one act of humility is the foundation for recovery and is the basis upon which we are able to move along and grow as individuals.  

    Written By:John C.