Category: Alumni

Explaining your addiction to the people you love can seem like a delicate task, but you should remember that it is going to benefit the relationships you have with each and every one of them in the long run.  Once you are able to talk with your loved ones about your addiction, you will most likely experience relief yourself.  Whether you want to talk about your disease of addiction with your parents, spouse, or friends, there are some aspects to consider that might prove to be beneficial in your discussion.

How Do I Talk About My Addiction?

There are some essentials to have in mind when talking about your addiction with your loved ones.  Some preparation may include thinking about how you will address the issue of your addiction and the words you may want to use when doing so.  Sometimes talking it over with a good friend, professional, or counselor can help you not just practice, but also get feedback on whether you should add in something or leave any parts out.  If you are planning on discussing your treatment options with your parents, spouse, or friends, you may find it helpful to do some research prior to when you admit to them that you are in an active addiction.  Look over and take into account some options like inpatient rehabilitation centers, outpatient treatment programs, and 12-Step Fellowships.  This will help you know what to say when you address the fact that you need help.

When talking to your loved ones about being in active addiction, remember to be honest.  You don’t have to get into all of the elaborate details about your drug or alcohol use, but you should answer their questions and in a respectful manner.  It might even help everyone involved to discuss how you behave when you are actively using, that way your loved ones will be able to notice and reach out to you if they notice the occurrence. This is the right time to tell them what you have been feeling and what you are currently going through.

Patience is important when speaking to anyone about your addiction, particularly the people you may be closest to like family, friends, and your significant other.   There is a possibility that they have no idea about what you have been struggling with and then on the other hand, they may have known all along.  Either way, it may take them some time to come to terms with the fact that you have been stuck in an unhealthy addiction.  Being easygoing about giving your loved ones time to adapt allows all people involved to take into consideration how they feel before speaking up about it.  This can avoid some disheartening thoughts on the matter from being shared, or at least have them put into a more effective and non-triggering format.

Talking to your loved ones about your addiction can be uncomfortable, so try to relax.  Remind yourself that you are doing the next right thing by trying to take whatever measures necessary in order to recover.  

“Instead of standing on the shore and proving to ourselves that the ocean cannot carry us, let us venture on its waters – just to see.” ~ Pierre Teilhard de Chardin~

It’s time to face an undeniable truth. We’re all afraid of the unknown, more or less. While it is normal to feel some anxiety when going into unknown territory, the fact is that we need to get past our fears and uncertainties if we’re ever to make any meaningful progress in recovery.

Not that doing so will come easily to us, especially if we’re new to recovery, have recently suffered a relapse, or have a combination of addictions that we’re in recovery from. It is also true that some of us just aren’t that eager to venture into something we don’t know about.

Here’s a little secret: It’s all unknown. At least, it will seem that way to us when we first begin something new. And it doesn’t really matter much if that something new is a technique to deal with overwhelming cravings and urges, or how to live up to our obligations when we resume work after rehab. When we haven’t been there before, we don’t really know what to expect. Sure, we can listen to what others in the 12-step rooms have to say about this or that technique or strategy, but it really winds up being our own action that will make a difference or not.

Another common excuse, or rationalization, is that we’re not very good learners. We tell ourselves we need time to adjust, as if the day that we believe we’ll be ready to move forward will come along anytime soon. When we start giving ourselves reasons for not doing something that we know we need to do to maintain our sobriety and continue to make progress in recovery, we’re not going to be realizing any successes in the immediate future.

There are all kinds of reasons why we fail to take action, even when we profess to want to. They may sound good to others, even convince some of our friends or loved ones, but they’re all still excuses of one sort or another. They’re just a means to delay taking necessary action. The result of our inability to push ahead into new territory is that we remain stuck right where we are.

The truth is that, once we begin, it will get a whole lot easier. That’s not just the words of a well-meaning sponsor or family member, or even others who have long been clean and sober. It is a fact. The more we learn, the more we grow. The more we grow, the more self-confident we become. What may seem difficult or scary today will become less fearsome the more we do it.

So what if something we try doesn’t turn out as we expect? We can still learn from the experience, and, in so doing, benefit our recovery. We may discover another avenue to pursue that would never have presented itself had we not gone forward in a certain direction. We will very likely meet new people who may, in turn, open up countless new opportunities. We will never know if we never try. So get busy creating actions plans and then do what it takes, even if that means venturing into unknown territory.

Not all people embarking on the journey of recovery get and stay sober the first time. Relapse can be a part of recovery; even though it does not have to be, it is a reality for some. If you do relapse, there is only one thing to do, and that is to get honest with yourself, man up and fight through the shame and the guilt, get yourself to a meeting, and be honest with those who understand. If relapse does become part of your story, and you find you are in need of medical attention, make sure you take the proper steps in order to safely detox and regain a healthy status. Some may have a better result from entering into a treatment facility, but if that is not possible, do not allow that to deter you from recovering.

Many people die during a relapse, and several others stay out for years or even decades after a small detour. It is not worth it. So much of your life can be destroyed over time if you do not take immediate action.

All that matters after a relapse is that you do something about it as soon as possible. Making future promises to get back into the routine of recovery is not a good idea, and is a set up for prolonging the inevitable that can last for days, months and even years. Recovery is a program of action. You must be willing to take this action or it just gets harder and harder to turn your life around.

If you have relapsed, cut your losses immediately. Your goal is to get sober again and live happy, joyous, and free. Forget about saving face or trying to hide the fact that you need help. Remember you are not a bad person – you suffer from a disease that wants you dead. Alcoholics and addicts get drunk and high; sobriety is the rare thing for people like us. So swallow your pride and remind yourself the goal is to stay alive at this point. Remember that from a physical perspective, relapse always gets worse in terms of the chemical reactions in your body. Your tolerance changes, and studies have even shown how your disease progresses, even while you were not using drugs or alcohol. Many people die from addiction due to relapse, not just from years of continuous abuse, but from the shame and the guilt that drives further using after a relapse.

Take immediate action. You have to get honest with your support – those people who understand what it is like to struggle with the disease of addiction – and quickly. If treatment is needed, discuss your options with your family and support system. Move quickly before you change your mind. Most importantly, remember you are not alone in this. Most of us have relapsed and know what it’s like to be where you are. Make the decision to go to any lengths all over again and stick to it. Remember how you got there, let yourself off the hook, and recover. This is now part of your story – that’s all. Just another way to carry the message of hope, faith and courage to the one who is still sick and suffering!

Hang On Peace Exists

It was one of my first AA meetings I was actually still in treatment and feeling completely restless, irritable, and discontent. Though I had no idea what that was. I just couldn’t hold still and felt as if the world was not just staring at me, but judging me, and I was failing miserably. There was a woman sitting next to me that couldn’t help but notice my constant movement. She leaned over and asked me this simple question. “Do you know what hope means?” I couldn’t respond; just stared. Then she proceeded to tell me with a wink and a smile, “Hang on Peace Exists!”

Recovery Talk: What Does Living In The Solution Mean?

Even when you come out of the pit of your addiction, there’s no guarantee that you are home free from all pain and suffering. There’s nothing you can do but just try to endure any suffering that may come your way because let’s face it – life is beautiful but it can also seem like one big, complicated mess. It’s a paradox because events can arise that seem senseless, hurtful, and downright unacceptable. As an alcoholic and/or addict, you cannot be the one declaring these circumstances as passable according to your own judgement because ultimately it’s not up to…